Bitter Memories Rewrite
by N. Reynolds
Summary: Ranma begins the story with unnatural foreknowledge of the series. Ranma forces his adversaries onto the defensive. Genma must deal with all of his faults being discovered at once. Soun must relearn parenting as he loses Genma's 'support.'
1. Chapter 1

This is a rewrite into prose form, in an attempt to kick-start myself into writing again.  
  
Bitter Memories  
  
Soun Tendo shows his lack of empathy by blatantly ignoring Ranma's feelings "Well, son, you're problem isn't so bad. This is my oldest daughter, Kasumi, she's 19. My middle daughter, Nabiki, is 17. And my youngest daughter, Akane, she's 16. Choose whichever you like, she'll be your new Fiancee."  
  
Before Ranma can answer, Kasumi suggests "He wants Akane."  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"Why me!"  
  
Nabiki can't resist a jab at the youngest people present. "You hate boys. You're lucky he's half girl."  
  
"Me marry that pervert?"  
  
Suddenly, the Tendo girl's bickering is interrupted, when Ranma screams out in frustration. Ranma's scream derails the daughter's bickering. "This is identical to the dream I had last night!"  
  
"Oh my. You had a dream about what would happen today?"  
  
"Not just today. The dream started with my arrival here, but it ended years later."  
  
Nabiki scoffs in disbelief. "Right, you can see the future in your dreams?"  
  
"Is that anywhere as weird as my changing gender when wet? Let me think here! The dream ended with me in a rundown dive getting smashed. I was complaining to someone about my second divorce. I wished that I knew what would have happened before my life became a mess, and then the dream ended."  
  
Akane, still mad, says "Second divorce? You really are a pervert."  
  
Ranma stares at her coldly. "I married the woman I loved, but it wasn't enough. We divorced because we couldn't stand living together, but we never stopped loving each other. We remarried each other out of love, but it didn't last forever."  
  
Genma tries to wrest control of the argument "You see, son? You should marry who I've arranged for you. Honor is the important thing here."  
  
Ranma snaps back "Let me think!"  
  
"I'm not going to marry that pervert!"  
  
Soun shouts, "You must, for the sake of family honor."  
  
Ranma begins to growl. He slams his hand on the table, redirecting everyone's attention to him "Yes, Honor!" He glares at the 2 fathers. "Marrying for love IS a mistake; honor should be the primary consideration. Besides, I don't love anyone now, anyway. Let's discuss honor! Tendo-san, I've only been a guest here for about an hour. In that time, your eldest daughter announced she wouldn't marry me. Your middle daughter poked and prodded me, and also announced that she didn't want me, and your youngest daughter insulted me for things beyond my control. I find your hospitality lacking, and that your daughters have broken your agreement to unite the houses. As you have no intention of fulfilling this agreement, I release you. Pop, let's go!"  
  
Genma tries to act like the wise and benevolent parent he isn't. "Now son, as a matter of family honor, it's not for you to decide that the agreement is broken."  
  
"But is it truly a matter of family honor? Or is it just a matter of my father's honor."  
  
"Ungrateful child! How dare you question my honor? Besides, it doesn't matter. Either way, you must obey."  
  
"Unless you are already forsworn on this subject. Does our family actually have any honor left on the subject of my engagement? My dream reminded me of Ukyou Kuonji. Tell me, pop, about why we left riding her family's yattai? Surely you didn't steal it?"  
  
"That has nothing to do with this. Besides, Kuonji-san gave me that yattai, fair and square!"  
  
"All right, why? We were broke at the time. What did you offer him in exchange for the yattai? Or was it a dowry?"  
  
"It doesn't matter what I gave Kuonji-san. It has nothing to do with this situation."  
  
"Then you have no objection to me taking time to contact them and find out from them what it was all about? The Kuonjis, and of course, Kaori's father, Daitokuji?"  
  
"How do you know about him?"  
  
"The dream, pop. In it, you had engaged me to 2 other families as well as the Tendo family. If even one of them is true, then you have lost all right to dictate my marriage on the basis of family honor."  
  
"Nonsense. You'll marry a Tendo!"  
  
"But honor forbids me from marrying until I lay to rest these rumors of other engagements. I swear on our family honor that I will not agree to marry anyone until this matter is laid to rest! Tendo-san, if you'd rather not house us until that time, we'll leave tonight. I don't think much of your hospitality, but my father would like to stay."  
  
"Nonsense. This is just a family argument. It will pass."  
  
"Maybe. When I was young, I thought Ukyou was a boy, but in my dream, she was female, and my father engaged her to me. Pop, what gender was Ukyou? If you lie to me, you'll regret it for a long time."  
  
"Er, male?"  
  
"Fine then. We find Ukyou, and if he's male, I'll consider the engagement. Whatever you've done to their family, you will pay for. Even if I need to be your second. Where is the rest of my family?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't be stupid. I must have had a mother, unless you stole me too. If she's dead, I wish to pay my respects. If she's living, I want to know why I haven't seen her for 10 years, and know where she is!"  
  
For the first time in this conversation, Genma looks serious, In fact he's downright terrified "Son, don't do this. It'll mean both our lives!"  
  
"Genma, what are you talking about? Why haven't you seen Nodoka?"  
  
"You don't understand! We've got to go!"  
  
For the first time in this conversation, the fathers aren't in agreement "Genma, if you leave now, I'll track you down. You know I'll find you. After all the years we trained together, you will stay, and tell us."  
  
"Soun, you don't understand! This is worse than the master!"  
  
"Hey pop, why don't you and mister Tendo tell us about your master, and what condition you left him? In my dream, he was a disgusting old man, who molested Akane and I repeatedly. You two did nothing to stop him."  
  
"My father would never do something like that, you pervert!"  
  
"I didn't say he would, I'm describing my dream. If it was just a dream, then it couldn't possibly be your father. I'd never met him before. If it was a glance at the future, then your father's behavior isn't my fault. Someone do something to prove my dream false. Mr. Tendo, why don't you tell us all about your sensei in martial arts, the founder of our noble schools?"  
  
"Now son, the master is long gone. There's no need to bring up the distant past."  
  
"I've trained with countless masters, but have never been introduced to yours. Did you see his lifeless body, or did you abandon him somewhere?"  
  
"He was nearly dead when we left him."  
  
"Crippled? Or just drunk?"  
  
Nabiki interrupts Ranma's attacks on the parents with "What are you getting at, Ranma?"  
  
"So far everything I've learned from my dream has come true, except that Ukyou was a girl, and we've yet to prove she isn't. I've been taken from my mother, and lead to believe she was dead. The dream said she's alive, and my father proved it by being terrified of her. In my dream, they imprisoned their master while he was drunk, when he escapes he repeatedly attacks Akane and I. They won't say where the master is, but have kept me from him for some reason. They're scared of him. I've even mentioned someone who my father had cheated in the dream. When I mentioned him, my father asked where I heard of him, not who he was. So far, my dream is an accurate predictor."  
  
"Well then, let's test this dream of yours."  
  
"Need more proof? Ok, Akane, are you being bothered by a wealthy idiot who practices kendo? Nabiki, have you ever sold pictures of Akane? Let me predict the future for you: The assassin who chased us out of China will soon show up here. By the laws of her tribe, I am already married to her, only she doesn't realize it. Akane will underestimate her, becoming her enemy. She fights with sword and mace. If Akane becomes a serious obstacle to her, Akane will be dead. Care to ignore this warning?"  
  
"Hey, I can take care of myself!"  
  
"She smashes through stone walls when the door is inconvenient. She's trained twelve hours a day for twelve years. She's faster, stronger, more skilled, and will be trying to kill you from ambush. If you want to take those kinds of odds, I won't stop you. She's an assassin!"  
  
Soun focuses on what he thinks is important. "What do you mean you are already married to her?"  
  
"The moment she finds out that I'm not female, she'll stop trying to kill me, and want me to consummate our marriage."  
  
"Waah! My baby girl is going to face an assassin."  
  
"Daddy!" Akane tries to reason with him, "All I have to do is avoid getting in her way. I'll be allright."  
  
"Will you be able to avoid fighting her?" Ranma asks. "She believes that Japanese women are beneath contempt. She'll show off her skills, say she's better than you, and she'll rub your nose in it constantly. Can you take that kind of abuse?"  
  
"Waaaah, my daughter is going to be brutally murdered!"  
  
Nabiki takes charge of the conversation. "Dad, please! Ok, we have a problem. Ranma's dream is too accurate to ignore, and Akane is already fed up with people who believe they're superior. I'm postponing all talk about the engagement until we either disprove everything Ranma has said, or we've found a method to insure Akane's life."  
  
This shocks Soun out of crying mode. "Nabiki! You can't do that!"  
  
"Try me. You wouldn't put the school over your daughter's life, would you?"  
-----------------------------  
-----------------------------  
Author's notes:  
  
Where to go from here? In the dream, he'd married Akane for love. Even though with the benefit of the information from the dream, he could probably do a better job this time around, he's going to do everything he can to avoid liking her. Ukyou will hold the spot as most likely fiancee, but he's not willing to marry anyone until he knows he can do it without loose ends. He will do his best to avoid falling in love with anyone until after he's married.  
  
If he's forced to pick a Tendo, Akane is the last person he'd choose, and since he knows more about the Tendo sisters than in the original, he won't accept Kasumi and Nabiki pawning him off onto Akane.  
  
He's angrier at the fathers this time. He's already given notice that he is willing to leave the Tendo's, so Soun and Nabiki won't have the leverage of him being a guest. Soun is now in the position of trying to win Ranma over to his wishes, instead of demanding things from him.  
  
Specifically, Soun must develop more spine towards others. In the original, the only people he orders around are Kasumi and Ranma, he folds for everyone else. Ranma will be judging Soun based on how well he supports his daughters and Ranma himself.  
  
Stories of the original Soun's behavior will make the daughters less pleased with him, unless he goes overboard in the other direction. I expect to see him taking down Kuno a peg or two, and possibly opposing some of Genma's plans (especially when he learns that Genma DID multiply engage Ranma). Instead of ignoring all of Genma's faults, He'll actually occasionally oppose Genma, Taking the tack 'Ranma, even though your father is a complete idiot, there is still an obligation between the Saotomes and the Tendos, that we should find some way of solving.'  
  
Genma and Happosai are unchanged, and unrepentant.  
  
While this is a rewrite, I've kept the notes (above) from the original. They're where I intended to go with this story, and not quite what actually happened.  
  
My Ranmas suffer from a good vocabulary. I've tried writing him as uneducated, but it always comes out horrible. I've given up. Ranma's mode of speech will always be 'Out Of Character' even when Ranma's actions shouldn't be.  
  
I really do want feedback, especially as I went almost two years without writing anything. Stop me before I dry up again. 


	2. Chapter 2

Nabiki calls out as she leaves the house, "Bye, Bye. See you in school."  
  
"Nabiki, wait for me!"  
  
"You've got to show Ranma the way to school."  
  
"Why do I have to!"  
  
Ranma frowns. "Go with her. I'll get directions from Kasumi."  
  
Genma hits Ranma over the head with a sign, "Be nice to them. You're going to marry one of them."  
  
"Being nice to them does not mean forcing my presence on them when I'm not wanted. Besides, I've been nice to all of them, even after all of the slights and insults I've received. I haven't decided what the most honorable choice is, and I'm not accepting your opinions on the matter."  
  
Later, as Ranma walks to school alone, he plans aloud "Ok, the first loony I have to deal with is Kuno. What do I remember about him from the dream? He's a real pervert, practices Kendo, and won't admit defeat from a male. Oh yes, he turns everything around to fit his insanity."  
  
"I'm not going to throw a fight to get on his good side. Logic won't work. Gotta be something that fits his delusion of being a samurai. He'll never accept me as his superior, and I refuse to be his lackey, so it's either enemies, or friends. Maybe he'll accept me as the annoying brother at arms? That way he's not an enemy, but I don't have to agree with him, and we can fight to improve our mutual skill. As if I couldn't beat him 20 different ways. If this works though, it means I don't have to like him and I don't have to accept ambushes. He'll never respect me until after we fight so I gotta think of a face saving gesture, or he'll never admit it. Something to stroke his ego..." Ranma's thoughts are interrupted when he's splashed by cold water, triggering his change to female. "Why me?"  
  
-----------------------------  
  
"Class, we have a new student today. His name is Ranma Saotome, and he comes from China. Tell the class about yourself."  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome, of the Anything Goes School of martial arts. I've been training all of my life. I believe my father has set up several conflicting arranged marriages for me, so I'm not seeing anyone, nor am I likely to. If a stranger attacks me, get at least 20 meters away. Some of the people trying to kill me aren't too picky about bystanders. I don't expect the first attack for several weeks."  
  
"That's quite an introduction. However, being new to the school is no excuse for tardiness. Stand in the hall."  
  
Ranma stares at the teacher as if he had grown another head. "Ok. You actually enforce tardiness, and you allow fights on campus?"  
  
"We don't allow fights in this school."  
  
"When I came into the school, there were a couple dozen guys that had been beaten up lying scattered over the ground."  
  
"Well, that's a special case. Go stand in the hall."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
A dull cafeteria knife with a note attached flies through the classroom window, and embedded itself in Kuno's desk. Kuno reads the note. "I'd like to meet with you when you have the time, how about during lunch, or after school? I'll be at the soccer field. Please bring your bokken. Ranma Saotome."  
  
"Nabiki Tendo. What do you know about a Ranma Saotome?"  
  
"Why do you ask, Kuno-chan?"  
  
"I just received a very casual challenge letter from him."  
  
Nabiki gets a mischievous expression on her face. "Well, he's living at our house, and our fathers want to engage him to one of my sisters."  
  
"Never! I'll never allow him to steal Akane from me. Why else would he issue a challenge?"  
  
"Kuno! Stand in the hall."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Kuno charges across the soccer field towards a waiting Ranma. "I shall never allow you to be engaged to Akane!"  
  
"Great! Thanks!"  
  
This takes the wind out of Kuno's sails. His bokken droops, and with a truly moronic expression says "What?"  
  
"I've heard about you, and want to ask your help."  
  
"Help?" Kuno hasn't fit this into his delusion, so he's not quite firing on all cylinders.  
  
"I've heard both good and bad rumors about your prowess, and about your love for Akane, so I thought you'd be the perfect person to ask."  
  
"Someone speaks badly of my prowess? Point out the coward so I may smite him!"  
  
Ranma mollifies "Let me tell you what I know. You are undefeated in kendo. Only Akane has ever stood against you. The bad things are minor. They say that facing so many opponents who are so inferior in kendo, has made you slightly sloppy in defense, and that Akane uses that slight error to win against you. If I am good enough to be in your league of fighting skill, I hope that someday we might strengthen our skills through sparring."  
  
"They are in error. My form is perfect, in spite of the many weak fools I have taken on. If you did not come here to fight, why did you summon me?"  
  
"It is a matter of family honor. Will you listen to my tale?"  
  
Kuno is now seated, with a can of soda in one hand, and a bag of popcorn in the other. Ranma adopts the pose and manner of a traditional storyteller "My father is strong physically, but weak in spirit. I believe he has engaged me to multiple women without the others knowing. If I were to even date one of them, I'd be dishonoring all the families involved. I'll need your help in severing as many of these ties as I honorably can. One of these engagements was that I'd marry one of the Tendo sisters. I hoped you could help me break that bond so that I don't stain Akane's family's honor. Kuno, I need your help to keep them from forcing me to marry Akane, and disgrace her. There is no way I could honorably pursue her, except as a friend, but there are people who will force the issue. For Akane's sake, as well as mine, will you help?"  
  
"I cannot but offer my aid in your predicament. But who are the knaves that dare to risk dishonoring Akane?"  
  
"There are two. I hope you appreciate the sensitive nature of this problem, when you learn that they are my father, and Akane's father. Akane's father truly believes it is for his daughter's benefit. Even though he is wrong, he is trying his best to be honorable, so I can't hold it against him."  
  
"How do you propose to solve this?"  
  
"I don't know yet. Before we continue this, would you do me the honor of sparring with me? If I am close to your skill level, we might help each other improve. I too have only lost to my teachers. As this is for fun, neither of us are risking our reputations."  
  
"Very well. You fight unarmed?"  
  
"Musashi fought steel-armed samurai with an oar whittled into a bokken. Should I aspire to less than following his example by going unarmed?"  
  
"He was a great man, but know this; it is possible to smash stone even with a wooden sword, if your skill is sufficient. Let us begin."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
As Kuno regains consciousness, he hears Ranma's voice. "Just as the rumors have said. Your opponents in the past have hurt you by being so poor fighters. You must regain your edge by sparring with a peer. Come, call me a peer, and we shall improve ourselves beyond what we can achieve alone."  
  
"It will be a new experience for me. I cannot bring myself to go full out against Akane, and against all others I don't need to. We shall rise in skill until the very gods, themselves, may tremble."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
As Kuno returns to his desk after lunch, Nabiki asks, "So, Kuno. How was your fight with Ranma?"  
  
"A match to make the earth tremble. Truly were we meant to meet. He is unlike any I've ever fought. I can hardly wait until the next time we spar."  
  
"Spar? I thought you were going to kill him?"  
  
"How could you mislead me into thinking that he wanted to marry your sister? The poor man, to be used so by his own family. Come. You must tell me all about your father's plan to marry Ranma into your family. Can he not see the pain such a plan would bring?"  
  
"He wishes to unite the two branches of our families' schools of martial arts."  
  
"But through marriage?"  
  
"Tell me about it. He never even met Ranma before last night, and he had already decided on the marriage! Meeting his father, it wouldn't have surprised me if he were an honorless shiftless fool."  
  
"No need to worry on that account. He seems to have a delicate perception of the trials of honor. He reminds me of myself, when I was younger."  
  
"What happened out there?"  
  
"He asked my help in annulling the agreement between your families. Then he pointed out some of the methods that the fair Akane uses to keep her maidenly innocence through her fighting prowess. With Ranma on my side, soon my approach shall so much dare the field, that Akane will couch down in fear, and yield."  
  
"Sometimes I think that no man will ever couch with Akane."  
  
"Be not afraid, for one day will I call you sister."  
  
"I can hardly wait."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
"So, where did you go today during lunch?" Akane asks Ranma as he returns from lunch.  
  
"I was just meeting Kuno. Interesting guy. I kinda like him."  
  
"Figures that you two perverts would get along."  
  
"Well, I hope you like dating perverts. After he agreed that our sparring match last night did not count as permission to date you, I started pointing out the mistakes in his defense that you used to defeat him this morning."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He's a fast learner. Once he knows the counters to your moves, and learns a new attack, he should be able to defeat you, and claim that date."  
  
"How could you!"  
  
"Easy. He treats me with respect, something that no Tendo has done. Besides, it's painful to watch him leaving such holes in his defense."  
  
"But I hate Kuno!"  
  
"Then you shouldn't have agreed to date him if he wins. I'd start training seriously, if I were you."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Later that evening, Ranma walked up to the fathers who were busy playing one of their board-games, and asked, "So, Pop, what have you done to track down my childhood friend Ukyou?"  
  
"Soun and I are hard at work on it, right friend?"  
  
"What? Oh. Yes, right. Hard at work."  
  
"Excellent, you do realize that if you want this engagement to happen, you have to find Ukyou, so any delay in finding Ukyou, is a delay of the engagement."  
  
After Ranma had left them alone, Soun turns to his partner and asked, "Genma?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"We've been playing Shoji all day. Why aren't you looking for Ukyou?"  
  
"Er. I didn't think he was serious last night?"  
  
"Tomorrow, we'll start searching for him in earnest, right, friend?"  
  
"Oh, of course!"  
  
-----------------------------  
  
The next day, as Akane and Ranma in female form enter the school courtyard, the school perverts charged them shouting "Akane! I love you. Let me defeat you! Pigtailed girl! Lose to me!"  
  
Ranma shouts, "Why are your admirers attacking me?"  
  
"I don't know. Just stay out of my way."  
  
After the speedy incapacitation of the attacking crowd, Kuno steps out and says. "Truly that boorish lot deserved defeat at your hands, lovely ladies. But now you face me."  
  
Ranma is furious. "Kuno! Did you put these losers up to this?"  
  
"They but merely sought the right to date with you as I do."  
  
"I have no intention of dating anyone, whether they defeat me, or not. If anyone attacks me again for that reason, I will break their left forearm before I knock them out. I don't want to date anyone! The idea of going out with someone because they can beat you up makes me sick to my stomach! Just because Akane is willing to go along with this doesn't mean I share her sick fantasies!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"But why would you object to dating the magnificent Tatewaki Kuno?"  
  
"I'm too disgusted by this display to discuss it now. Ask Ranma when you spar at lunch."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
"Ranma! You deceiver. Release the lovely pigtailed girl to me!"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Nabiki told me of your enslavement of the pigtailed goddess."  
  
"Why would I enslave my younger sister?"  
  
"Sister? Nabiki said that you two were of one mind and body!"  
  
"She's family. Anything she wants, I want to find. Her enemies are my enemies. I'm closer to her than my own father."  
  
"Then if she isn't dating you, why does she refuse to date me?"  
  
"Once again it's my stupid father's fault. He engaged her to a violent martial artist without her knowledge. She's vowed that they will never marry, but still she has no desire to date anyone after that fiasco."  
  
"That cad! Show me her betrothed so I might smite him!"  
  
"No need. The engagement is all but annulled, and that gorilla never came near to hurting her. If you attack, then their family might feel the need to reinforce their claim to save face. Let this farce of an omiai die a forgotten death. I'll make sure nothing comes of it."  
  
"Still, I insist you call me at once if there's any help I can lend. As you are her elder brother, I seek your permission to date her."  
  
"I can not give anyone approval while she hates the idea of dating. I promise to let you know the moment she considers herself ready to date. That is the best I can offer at this time without betraying her like our father did. I hope you understand."  
  
"It is less than I wished, but truly the only honorable path. I shall have to console myself with her images."  
  
"Who took those photos?"  
  
"I purchased them from Nabiki, yesterday afternoon."  
  
"They were taken without her permission. This says volumes about the Tendo hospitality."  
  
"I shall take Nabiki to task over this."  
  
"I claim first right as her brother. I'll speak with the head of her clan tonight. How dare they do this while trying to join our families?"  
  
"Your anger exceeds my own. I will leave this matter in your hands."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
"Mr. Tendo. As it is a matter of family honor, I will give you a chance to convince me why I should continue to live under your roof after your middle daughter has taken pictures of me without my knowing, while I was incompletely dressed, and gave or sold them to people at school?"  
  
"Waaah. My daughter is a pornographer."  
  
"Not quite pornography, but still objectionable."  
  
Soun immediately tries begging, "Ranma! Please don't leave!"  
  
"Do something about this. If you don't resolve this right now, I will leave."  
  
"Ungrateful boy! You can't leave. I order you to stay!"  
  
"Ordering me to be photographed in indecent attire? Don't you think the police would like to know that you are using your child to start a child pornography ring, and that you are the head pimp?"  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
"Find a way to satisfy me about this situation, or you can kiss your plans goodbye."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Soun enters Nabiki's room, and asks her, "Nabiki, have you been taking pictures of Ranma and distributing them at school?"  
  
"Well, only to defray the costs of having him here."  
  
"They are my guests, and Ranma is here against his will. You can't charge them rent."  
  
"I know. That's why I took the photos instead."  
  
"I know I haven't done anything like this in years, but Nabiki, you are grounded."  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"Try me. Give Ranma the negatives and all of the money you've made from him. I'll hold your camera until he forgives you. You're grounded until then, or for one week, whichever is longer."  
  
"You can't do that!"  
  
"The only reason you're not getting a spanking, is that it would embarrass both of us. If you're going to behave as a child, you'll be treated as one."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Nabiki, still fuming, corners Ranma. "So what would it take to get your formal forgiveness?"  
  
"How about letting me sell similar photographs of you around school?"  
  
"I think not. What else?"  
  
"Find the idea distasteful? Don't want your classmates leering at you?"  
  
"OK, you've made your point!"  
  
"Why should I forgive you? I don't particularly like you. Find some way on your own to convince me that you're seriously sorry, and not just sorry for being caught." 


	3. Chapter 3

The otherwise vacant lot was again the scene of a high speed sparring session. Unlike a normal battle, blows were being pulled at the last minute, although missed blows were not, and were doing a bit of damage to the surrounding landscape. Ranma stepped back and asked, "Kuno, do you see what you're doing wrong, here?"  
  
"You must be using some trick! You seem to know my moves before they occur! I performed that move perfectly!"  
  
Ranma nodded. "That's exactly it! You were performing an advanced kata. Kata have their time and place, but if you stick to them in a fight, your opponent will have time to prepare a counter."  
  
Kuno's budding anger gave way to confusion. "But the forms are all important in kendo."  
  
"You've already mastered the standard forms, right?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Then to improve, you must spend some of your practice time inventing new forms."  
  
"But that's sacrilege! The forms were invented ..."  
  
"The forms were made by the best of their generation, and refined by the best of succeeding generations. It's only sacrilege if you haven't mastered the preexisting forms. At your level, it's your duty to look for areas to improve them."  
  
"I hadn't thought of it like that."  
  
"If you take my advice, select the attacks you use most often, and imagine you want to do them in all the wrong order. You want to always have as many choices for your next attack, and vary them. That way, your opponent won't have that extra time to prepare."  
  
"That makes sense, but it will take alot of time."  
  
"Trust me, it's worth it. You might want to stop fighting Akane so that your new kata will be a surprise."  
  
"I could not abandon her. Are you trying to trick me into leaving her unprotected so that you might date her?"  
  
Ranma's look of revulsion was enough to convince Kuno of his sincerity "Gods, no! Listen, I think I've got half a solution to this engagement."  
  
"You have my complete attention." Kuno put away his bokken to concentrate on the truly important things in life.  
  
"My father is a lying cheat, as you know. I asked my father about one of my fiancees, and he denied everything. Then I swore on my family honor that I would not be coerced into marriage if he lied."  
  
"But what if he told the truth?"  
  
"Don't worry, he lied. Even if he somehow manages to conceal his lie, I haven't promised that I'd do anything if he told the truth. I'll try something else then. But when his lie is exposed, then he has no power to force a wedding on me."  
  
"But if you leave, it would dishonor the Tendo family."  
  
"I know. That's why it's only half a solution. I still have to find some way to convince Tendo to release me. But once my father's hold is broken, no one will think it odd if I don't marry for several years, so I have time to find the rest of the solution without dishonoring the Tendos."  
  
"True. Yet as long as this persists, it will inhibit my chance to marry Akane."  
  
"I've got another idea. You don't mind if I marry Akane's sisters, right?"  
  
"So long as you don't disgrace their family."  
  
"Well their only chance to force me to marry a Tendo is to make sure no dishonor falls on either of us. Listen, if anyone else hears about it, Akane's honor will be stained, so I know you can keep this completely secret. I swear on my honor and my family's honor that if I am ever successfully forced to marry a Tendo, I will select one of Akane's sisters for my bride."  
  
"You'd give me this to hold over your head?"  
  
"Sure. I want you to hold it over my head. The more reasons I have for not marrying her, the better chance I'll have to convince Tendo to accept an alternative. Hell, I'd rather become Tendo's adopted son, than his son-in-law. Nobody could force me to marry my sister, could they?"  
  
"The thought of such an incestuous marriage, is enough to completely kill any desire for sustenance, as my stomach turns over."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Ranma walked up to the fathers' incessant game, and asked "So, how goes the search?"  
  
Soun sighed, "Not well. We haven't found a single Kuonji in Hokkaido."  
  
"Why are you looking there? Ukyou is from Kansai."  
  
"Genma! Come back here!"  
  
-----------------------------  
  
The school yard was alerted to the danger by the cry of "Ranma Saotome! Prepare to die!"  
  
Ranma dodged the attack, and shouted out, "Well, well. If it isn't the honorless Ryouga Hibiki."  
  
Ryouga's anger flipped up a notch "Honorless? You ran out of a man-to-man fight."  
  
Ranma matched Ryouga's fury, and shouted "I waited three days at the place you chose! Then I had to leave to meet other obligations. Surely that's long enough courtesy towards someone who betrayed you."  
  
"How could I have betrayed you!"  
  
Ranma screamed at Ryouga, "I treated you as a friend! I helped you get home, when you got separated from Shirokuro. But you had to get jealous over how much lunch I had, so you set up that stupid duel. You never bothered to show up, and now you try to attack me from ambush."  
  
But Ryouga wouldn't let himself be in the wrong. Not after all he had suffered. "Shut up! Because of you, I've seen hell!"  
  
"What did I do to you?"  
  
"The time for talk is over."  
  
"So, are you going to fight me fairly? Or are you going to try to kill me from ambush, like an honorless assassin."  
  
"I'm going to beat you into a bloody pulp!"  
  
"And I'm going to make sure everyone knows your actions, even in your cursed form."  
  
"How did you know about that?"  
  
"I had a vision. You think you've seen hell? I'll just have to get the authorities to put you to sleep. They won't even realize that they're killing an assassin. You scream death threats at me? I'll have your balls, your freedom and your life in that order, and no one will punish me for it. I'll show you hell, you bastard."  
  
Akane, shocked at the fury Ranma displayed, asked "Ranma, what are you talking about?"  
  
"This bastard can shapeshift into an animal. If he insists on trying to make my life difficult, after all the crap he's already done, then I'll have him put down."  
  
Ryouga's look turned shocked. "You wouldn't dare!"  
  
"You come here shouting death threats, and don't expect me to respond?"  
  
"Well, all I was really going to do was beat you into a bloody pulp and put you in the hospital."  
  
"I've put up with crap from you because I thought you were my friend. You've betrayed me and smashed my trust in you. Why should I treat you with any sympathy?"  
  
This honestly surprised Ryouga. "You really thought of me as a friend?"  
  
"Of course! You were the only person my own age I could ever spar with. Why do you think I spent so much time after school with you? Why do you think I helped you get home? You think it was just because I liked seeing Shirokuro?"  
  
"But you were always insulting me!"  
  
"And you were always insulting me! My father insults me regularly! Which speaks louder? Actions or words?"  
  
"But because of you, I had to trek through China."  
  
Ranma's fury turned to exasperation. "I did what I could to stop that! I waited three days! What makes you think leaving for China was my choice? My idiot father dragged me into that hell hole. My idiot father selected the cursed training grounds! I was a fool for listening to him, and you were a fool for following us. But now you're acting like it was all my fault, and I will not take the blame! I did the best I could for you. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have bothered."  
  
"Don't say that. I've got to think this through."  
  
"I'm currently a guest at the Tendo Dojo. If I gotta leave, I'll try to leave some message there for you."  
  
After Ryouga wandered off, dazed and confused, Akane asked Ranma "Who was that?"  
  
An emotionally exhausted Ranma answered "Either a messed up good person, or an honorable scoundrel. I'll let you know when I figure out which one."  
  
"Does he really have a curse?"  
  
"He did in my dream, and he used it to betray several people's trust. I won't let him pull that crap. If he tries, he'll see what a real life in hell is like."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Later, that same day, Ryouga asks, "Ranma? Can we talk?"  
  
"For old times sake? Ok."  
  
"What happened to you? You used to be so carefree."  
  
"In China I was cursed like you, and then chased across China by an assassin. Then I was dragged here to be engaged to a violent maniac. On top of this, I had a dream about what my life would be like. I learned that my father has engaged me many times, including to a childhood friend. He stole her dowry. In the dream, you and I fell in love with the same woman, and she made my life hell. Now my father's trying to force me to marry that woman."  
  
"A dream?"  
  
"More like a vision. Everything I've learned in the dream has come true. In my dream you had fallen into the spring of drowned piglet, and my father in panda form tried to cook you."  
  
Ryouga boggled, "That was your father?"  
  
"Yep, the walking stomach. Real pandas are vegetarian. He has a Jhusenkyou curse, and didn't bother to check if the piglet he caught had one or not."  
  
"Wait. Does this mean we're doomed to fall in love with the same woman?"  
  
"No. The future isn't set in stone. I've sworn I'll never marry her, and I'll have this engagement shattered."  
  
"But, how could we both fall for the same woman?"  
  
"It wasn't pretty, and we both acted like bastards. I'll introduce you on one condition."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That you'll tell her about your curse. In the dream, you pretended to be her pet to protect her from me. That, more than anything else, makes me mad at you. But you didn't do it yet."  
  
"But I'd never do that!" The idea horrified Ryouga on several levels. Not only did it dishonor a girl, and to some extent Ranma, it also meant voluntarily pretending to be an animal, instead of human.  
  
"If the conditions were right, even an angel can fall. I shouldn't blame you for something you haven't done, but I can't forget it, and all the trouble it caused."  
  
Appalled, Ryouga asks "I could really fall that low?"  
  
"Step, by bloody step. The first mistake was not telling Akane about your curse."  
  
"But how could I tell someone?"  
  
"If you don't, you risk a hell of your own making. You start on a path of betrayal, and self loathing that ruins your life. I'm not going to be your conscience, I'm just warning you. I've seen the future, and it's hell."  
  
"But how could I risk admitting my curse to someone I care about?"  
  
"Admit it before you care. If they can't take it, you won't be hurt as much. It's your best shot at happiness."  
  
"Can you help me?"  
  
"Last time I saw you, you wanted to kill me."  
  
"I made a mistake, alright?"  
  
"Wanna try and start over?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Ranma guided Ryouga back to the dojo where Akane was practicing, and called out "Akane!"  
  
"What is it, Ranma?"  
  
"I want you to meet Ryouga. He's also a martial artist. In my dream you two were friends. He was the only guy who treated you the way you wanted. The only guy who never did anything perverted. Ryouga, this is the girl my father wants me to marry. In my dream, she was your best friend. Ryouga suffers a Jhusenkyou curse like Pop and I."  
  
Akane looked at Ryouga suspiciously. "You don't turn into a girl, do you?"  
  
"No, a piglet." Ryouga was a little shocked at how easy it was to say, compared to how he feared it would go.  
  
"Oh. I guess that's alright."  
  
Miffed that Akane was still holding his curse against him, Ranma snapped "You two decide if you want to be friends or not. I'm going to go practice."  
  
While Ryouga is busy studying the ground, Akane turns to Ryouga and asks "So, what do you think of female martial artists?"  
  
"Both of my parents are martial artists. They both taught me."  
  
"So if we spar, you'll take me seriously?"  
  
"Sure, but there are alot of attacks I don't use when sparring. Just because I'm willing to take you seriously doesn't mean I'll risk your life."  
  
"Would you have used those attacks on Ranma?"  
  
"I would have, while we were fighting. I wouldn't while we were sparring."  
  
"Ok, I can accept that. Why were you two fighting?"  
  
"I thought he was trying to ruin my life. Turns out it was a misunderstanding."  



	4. Chapter 4

Ranma walked into the common room to see a purple haired Amazon standing over a panda. Kasumi says, "You have a guest, Ranma-kun. Your father brought her."  
  
Ranma turned to the panda, and said "What the hell were you thinking, you bastard?"  
  
To which the panda held up a sign reading "Not my fault."  
  
"Ranma?" Shampoo approached the male Ranma, and said. "Boy he is!"  
  
"Is, is! Isn't it a shame I'm not a girl?"  
  
"Oh, it's the first time she's met you as a male?" Akane smirked.  
  
Shampoo pointed her bonbori at Akane and demanded "Ranma, show!"  
  
Akane started to get angry that this bimbo was demanding things of her! In her own house! "I don't know where she is!"  
  
"Hiding Ranma, You die, too."  
  
"That's it!" Ranma shouted, interrupting the imminent battle "Come with me, I'll show you girl Ranma!"  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Doctor Tofu's. I need someone who knows Chinese or this will never be straightened out."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
"Dr. Tofu, please read this to her in Chinese. She won't understand if I try to tell her in Japanese."  
  
Dr. Tofu took the piece of paper, and started to read it to Shampoo in Chinese. "This is Ranma Saotome. He is male. He visited Jhusenkyou. When splashed with cold water, he becomes female. While he was female, he defeated you on the challenge log in your village. He knows about your law to marry the man that has defeated you. After being hunted by you, he'd rather kill Amazons than marry one. If anyone tries to use force, magic, love potions, or threats, to make him marry against his will, he swears on his family honor that at least one Amazon will die by his hands. If he is forced or tricked into going back to your village, he will try to kill as many Amazons as he can, before he finally dies. If your great-grandmother comes here, she will respect these wishes, or she will never succeed. She should worry more about who will kill the god Saffron from Phoenix Mountain, who will decimate the Amazons in a year, and destroy Jhusendo. If you really need to find a husband for Shampoo, Prince Herb of the Musk or Saffron of Phoenix Mountain can defeat her easily, and would probably enjoy possessing her. Herbs two servants have fixations about women's breasts, and will try to see her topless. Please take this note to Cologne, as I understand she can read Japanese."  
  
Shampoo ran away in tears, with the note.  
  
Tofu frowned, "That was rather harsh."  
  
"Anything less would have made my life hell. Besides, she's just an assassin. My other option was to fight her again, to the death. I've never done that, and I don't want to start now."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Ranma dove out of the way of Cologne, and her staff, as she dropped out of the sky, and attacked with thrusts and sweeps of her staff.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
  
Cologne assumed a peaceful position. "I wanted to confirm that my granddaughter's loss to you wasn't a fluke. I wish to talk to you about that note you sent back with Shampoo."  
  
"What about it?"  
  
"It was very disrespectful."  
  
"You came all the way from China because I didn't show enough respect?"  
  
Cologne chuckled, "Of course not. You mentioned things in the letter that you shouldn't be able to know. I came to find out how you knew so much, and whether the threat you mentioned was valid."  
  
"I believe it's true, or I wouldn't have sent it."  
  
"I see you do, and I'm not accusing you of lying to me. But you could have been lied to, or be in error, and I can't very well tell my people to believe it, merely because a foreigner that none of them have met, told me, and seems honest. At that point, it ceases to be fact, and has turned into rumor or anecdote."  
  
"OK, I can understand that. I had a dream about what would happen in my life. It told me many things I didn't know about the past, and so far everything checks out. There were too many things for it to be coincidences."  
  
"Tell me about this dream."  
  
"That's a bit personal."  
  
"Feel free to edit out embarrassing parts. I just want to be as sure as you are about the dream's prophetic nature. "  
  
"OK. It was a day before my father and I got here. I dreamed he had engaged me to his best friend's three daughters. I met them while female. The older one ignored me, the middle one groped me, and the youngest one asked to be friends and spar. Later the youngest one barged in on me in the bath. Since then she started calling me a pervert. The older two then shove the engagement off onto the youngest. Then things stated to become confusing, and jumping around. I found out that my father had also engaged me to my best friend from when I was 6. I thought he was a boy, but in the dream she was female. My father stole her dowry and abandoned her. She spent the next 10 years living as a boy, and tracking us down for revenge. Then she decides she wants to marry me after all. Then you and Shampoo and Mousse arrive and make my life a living hell trying to force or drug me into marrying her. Then my mother, who I thought had been dead, shows up. Herb locks me as female for a while, until I thrash him. Saffron steals the fiancee I started to love, and turns her into a doll. He destroys Jhusendo. I kill him, and he's reborn as a baby. I marry the woman I loved. We couldn't live together, so we got divorced. We still loved each other, so we remarried, but it wasn't any better, so we divorced again."  
  
"So what of this dream has come true? I can tell that you aren't at Herb or Saffron's level. Neither of them is completely human."  
  
"Everything that happened the first day came true. I described people I'd never met, but that the sisters knew. I told them their habits. My father confirmed that my mother wasn't really dead. When I named other people my father engaged me to, he became nervous and evasive. We're trying to find Ukyou and see if she really is a girl. Is there a blind nut named Mousse in your village that chases Shampoo whether she likes it or not? "  
  
"Yes, he is quite a nuisance."  
  
"And sending an assassin after me isn't?"  
  
"I know it may seem strange to you, but it is our laws."  
  
"Don't ask me what I think of your laws."  
  
"Be that as it may, you have defeated her. She is obligated to marry you."  
  
"But I'm not obligated to her. She tried to kill me repeatedly. If you force me, I'll see how many other Amazons I can defeat, and this time they won't get back up. Besides, your village only has a year until Saffron decides to destroy it. Why would I bother fighting him this time? In the dream, you couldn't, or wouldn't fight him. I don't care at all about the woman Saffron stole from me in the dream, so if he steals her, someone else will have to save her."  
  
"Well then, I'm willing to offer you a deal."  
  
"Tell me the catch first."  
  
"I want you to promise that you won't reject Shampoo based on how she and I behaved in the dream, but get to know her and judge her on who she is, or becomes, and that you won't refuse to fight Saffron, but will make your decision later."  
  
"And in return?"  
  
"I offer to train you. You'll get to meet other Amazons without the worry of either kisses of marriage or death. I'll grant you exemption from the laws you find odious, and teach you secrets that are property of our tribe, as long as you promise not to reveal them to others. I offer you sanctuary from the man who has engaged you several times if you want it."  
  
"And the alternative?"  
  
"We make some other deal. Without some other agreement, Shampoo will feel the need to kill or marry you. If you succeed in killing her, other Amazons will want revenge. It will be a bloodbath. If you get allies, or attack the village directly, the elders will be forced to get involved, and we make better assassins, than a 16 year old girl who hasn't yet killed anyone in cold blood."  
  
"What sort of other deal?"  
  
"I don't know. I've made you an offer. If you want to amend it, or offer a better one, I'll consider it."  
  
"OK, I'll accept. But make sure Shampoo knows not to grab and kiss me, or kill or drug anyone. I may have put up with her in the dream, but right now, I still don't like her. I'll like her even less if that happens."  
  
"As long as you don't think you can tell her what she can and can't do, I'll convince her that that kind of behavior is unacceptable. No Amazon would accept an order from an outsider male, but she will behave herself, or face severe punishment from me. Is that acceptable?"  
  
"I guess so. Hey, that reminds me. Mousse will start trying to curse other people with water from Jhusenkyou."  
  
"I will make sure he knows that trying something like that will get him tortured and eventually killed. By having a formal agreement like this, you gain the status in our laws of being a visiting dignitary. As such, cursing people would be considered trying to provoke a war. As long as Shampoo doesn't give you the kiss of marriage, her situation is in limbo anyway. It shouldn't be hard to convince him that you two don't even like each other, so you are no danger to him. Even he isn't stupid enough to risk an Amazon death sentence, merely because Shampoo's sensei has a male student."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Back at the Nekohanten, Cologne, called out "Shampoo, come here child."  
  
Shampoo had been feeling more lost than ever before in her life. She dreamed that one day a handsome outsider would come and defeat her, and become her husband. Now she was living a twisted parody of that dream. She had spent weeks trying to kill her knight in shining armor, and she was wondering if she had irreparably destroyed her one chance at happiness. "Yes? Great-Grandmother?"  
  
"You must give up any thought of giving Ranma the kiss of Marriage."  
  
This was what she was dreading, an explicit command from her elder. "But the law says ..."  
  
"As long as you delay kissing him you suffer a slight dishonor. If you kiss him, then you must marry him. At this point, the only way to get him to marry you would be by using force. Not marrying him would bring a greater dishonor. Furthermore, he now has visiting dignitary status. As long as he has that, any attempt to force him will be considered trying to provoke a war. Therefore you have the choice of suffering a small dishonor, a huge dishonor, or being killed over a period of a few days."  
  
"I see."  
  
"At some later point in time, you may be able to kiss him, and remove the blemish on your honor, but I don't think you're determined enough to succeed. You'd be better off not even trying."  
  
"How could you say that? I'm the best Amazon fighter of my generation! I'll do whatever it takes to remove any stain on my honor!"  
  
"You're too impulsive. This would require patience. Even then it might not succeed."  
  
Shampoo's indignance to the slight on her skill from her sensei completely masked from her the telltale indicators that Cologne was manipulating Shampoo. "You taught me how to stand motionless for a day! I have patience!"  
  
"This will be harder than that."  
  
"I'll do it! Whatever it takes."  
  
"Then let me explain. Right now, you like Mousse more than Ranma likes you. While I think you two might in time become friends or married, right now he hates you. Even though you were only doing what you were supposed to do. He understands that you had to do it. But that doesn't help."  
  
It was obvious to Cologne that Shampoo would, if left to her own devices, try to win Ranma the way she'd pursue a boy from a local village. It was also obvious to Cologne that this would end in failure. "If you try to shower Ranma with affection, he'll see you as just as bad as you see Mousse. If he feels you are stalking or spying on him, he'll treat you like you treat Mousse. If you can't learn his language decently, he'll treat you as too stupid to marry. For now you must make friends with Japanese girls, and see how they behave around boys. You must be on your best behavior whenever he is around. You must never show more affection to him than he shows you, or you will chase him off. And finally you must never fight or punish someone unless he would think you need to."  
  
"I don't understand what you mean by the last one."  
  
"If someone does something serious, like calling you a prostitute, feel free to cave his head in. But if someone says other girls are prettier, you can't be violent, even if it is an insult to you. You must learn to deal out as much punishment as he thinks you should, and if you're going to make a mistake, err by being too peaceful."  
  
"But how will he love me if he thinks I'm a coward?"  
  
"For now you aren't trying to make him love you, but to like you. If he likes you, he'll spend more time with you, and that often leads to love. Or sex, but we'll discuss that later." Cologne paused in thought, "Much later. After he likes you and feels comfortable around you, then we convince him you are a brave warrior."  
  
Cologne paused, and tried to think up a way to convey to Shampoo how she should act around Ranma. "Imagine you fell into spring of drowned twin and were locked into it. The other you would be just as good as you. If she bragged that she were better, you'd get angry. If you pretended you were weaker, she wouldn't respect you. But if you treated her well, you'd have a shield mate that would make the two of you extremely powerful. Treat Ranma as your equal, and try not to get mad when he claims to be the best, and maybe he'll forgive the times you slip up and mention how good you are. Remember, if you are the best, you don't need to say or do anything, anyone with half a brain will eventually realize it. If you boast, people will think you need to convince them because you aren't good enough."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
A few days later, Shampoo and Cologne finished moving the tables and chairs out of the way, turning the Cat Cafe into an impromptu dojo. "All right, Shampoo. Ranma will be here shortly for his first lesson. There's something you have to consider. Ranma wants to hate you, and wants you to hate him."  
  
"But why?" Shampoo knew Ranma was mad at her for what she'd done, but she couldn't understand why he'd want to become angrier.  
  
"The first is to justify his anger at you. He'll be looking for more reasons to prove to himself that he's right to continue to be angry. The second one is simpler. If you hate him, his life is simpler. Too many crazy things have happened to him recently. If you decided to hate him and go back to China life would be simpler. He's not even thinking about this, it's all subconscious. But because of that he's going to be picking a fight with you. Let's say he screams out Amazons are weaklings and cowards!' Normally you'd be justified in clobbering him. But he's just talking crazily. We both know it's not true, so humor him. In time, he'll admit the truth. I'd also apologize for trying to kill him."  
  
"But I had to!" It was Cologne, after all, who taught her the importance of those laws. How could Cologne tell her to apologize to an outsider for obeying them?  
  
"Say something like I'm sorry I was trying to kill you, I wish it didn't happen.' That's the truth, but if you were to say I'm sorry I had to kill you.' it will sound like an excuse. If you make an excuse, however valid, it will sound like you are trying to dodge responsibility. You did something. You wish it never happened. Tell him that, and eventually he'll act as if it never happened. Eventually after acting that way long enough, he'll dismiss it as unimportant. At that point, you have achieved the hardest part. Don't say that you were wrong to hunt him. You didn't have a choice, under the circumstances you were right to hunt him, therefore he won't believe you if you say you were wrong. Just apologize for what you honestly can. It may not be the full apology he wants, but a sincere half apology that is believed, is better than a full apology that is thought a lie."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
At the beginning of the next day's classes at school, the teacher announced "Class, I have an announcement to make. We're going to have a new exchange student. She is being considered for a future role of ambassador or liaison, so any opinions she forms might have serious repercussions for all of Japan. I assume you would feel some remorse if she grew to hate Japanese and this eventually escalated a smaller conflict into a war. So you'll have to be on your best behavior. Unfortunately, she knows almost nothing of Japanese culture, and her Japanese language skills are lower school at best. That's why she's coming here. She is like a sponge, what we teach her here will form the basis for everything she learns about Japanese in the future. Of course, she may never get the post, but I wouldn't risk it."  
  
Having made her pitch for global unity and tolerance, the teacher returned to the specifics of their new student. "There are three more things that her great grandmother thought it best you should know. She has been treated much like Akane at home; however boys who are fresh or rude with her usually require a hospital stay. Repeat offenders can expect to be fed through a tube, and sometimes broken bones don't always heal correctly. Kuno is expected to need to repeat his grade next year because of his likely actions with her, so some of you may have him as a classmate. Secondly, she's a martial artist who has demonstrated that she can break a hole in a stone wall without effort, so she has no trouble following through if she thinks she's being mistreated. And thirdly, that is her natural hair color, it's genetic, and runs through her family."  
  
"She will be starting classes here within the week. Meanwhile we have another student starting today ..."  
-----------------------------  
  
Ranma munches on the okonomiyaki thrown onto his desk, and exclaims "I recognize this. You're Okonomiyaki Ukchan! We've got to go somewhere private to talk. You're here to beat the crap out of me, aren't you?"  
  
Ranma's voice was annoyingly cheerful, and grated on Ukyou's nerves. "I'm here to make you suffer, and then kill you."  
  
"Well, I'm already suffering daily, but if you'll answer one simple question for me, I'll lie down and let you hospitalize me. What do you say? You can pound me all you want!"  
  
"I'm going to pound you anyway!"  
  
"Aw, you won't be able to do nearly as much damage if I'm running and defending. Look, answer a one word question, and I'll let you beat my face in and throw explosives at me without dodging."  
  
"What's your damn question?"  
  
"I don't want to say it aloud in front of everybody. Here, let me write it down." Ranma wrote "Were you born male or female?" on a piece of paper, and handed it to Ukyou.  
  
"A girl, damnit!"  
  
"I knew it! My dad lied to me for ten years over that question. I wondered why he took your families yattai, he told me it was a gift from your father. He reneged on an agreement between our families, didn't he? The yattai was in exchange for some agreement between our families regarding you, wasn't it? After I get out of the hospital, I'm going to get that bastard. Come on, let's go somewhere where there's more room, so you can beat me up."  
  
"You, you mean you didn't know?"  
  
"Hell no! You were the best friend I ever had! If I'd known, he'd have had to tie me up and carry me away! I only figured out he was lying a few weeks ago. Oh. Before I forget, I should introduce you to Akane. She's the one my dad is trying to force me to marry against both our wills. Akane, come here!" Ranma pointed at Ukyou, "This was my best friend ever. If she's your friend, there's no one better to have guarding your back. Listen, Akane, whatever he does to me, I want you to make sure that everyone knows I agreed to it. I don't want anyone to try and hold Ukyou responsible. If I'm unconscious, I want you to tell everyone."  
  
Ukyou's image of how this reunion would go was completely shattered. She expected Ranma to be cringing or gloating, not thrilled to see him and looking forward to getting beaten up. "But how could you not know?"  
  
"My dad's a lying bastard. When I was six, I still believed things he told me."  
  
"Why are you letting me beat you up?"  
  
"Cause you were my best friend, and I hurt you. Hell, I've been trying to track you down since I got here! I've been looking in the Kansai region calling Kuonjis."  
  
"I've got to think this over."  
  
"Sure. My offer will still be good. Hey, after school's over I'm going to go home and trash my dad over this, wanna join?"  
  
"I'll think about it. Bye."  
  
-----------------------------  
  
That afternoon, Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou walk up to the two shogi-playing fathers. "Hey, Mr. Tendo. Hold onto my father, would you? He's going to run away from you in a minute."  
  
"Why would he do a thing like that?"  
  
"Because he was lying. He reneged on his promise to unite our families. Because of him, our families will never be joined!"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"This is Ukyou. My father engaged us ten years ago, and accepted her dowry. There must be still more families out there. Genma's promises are null and void! I'll be leaving as soon as I'm done hurting your best friend. Kasumi? Do we have any lighter fluid?"  
  
Soun turns to Ukyou, and tried to protect the Tendo engagement. "I'm sorry miss, but Ranma is engaged to marry Akane. You have to accept that."  
  
Ranma interrupted "It doesn't matter if she accepts it or not. I said I would only consider the engagement to a Tendo if he hadn't lied to me about Ukyou, remember? He did, therefore I can't even consider it. On the night of our arrival, Pop betrayed your family by lying to you, and freed me from my obligation before your whole family as witnesses!"  
  
"Genma!"  
  
-----------------------------  
  
"Oh my! What's Mr. Saotome doing?" Kasumi asked Ranma, as they stood on the veranda watching the brainless panda.  
  
"Mrrrfl." Genma begged.  
  
"Consider it endurance training. He can't move his feet because they're set in buried concrete blocks, and if he tries to sit, or lie down he impales himself on those knives."  
  
"And the gag and chains?"  
  
"To keep him from complaining. A martial artist must be stoic."  
  
"Rrrrf! Rrf, rrf!" Genma lied.  
  
"How long does he have to stand there?"  
  
"We'll do something else after he loses consciousness. I'm sorry about the smell of his burning fur last night."  
  
"It's not your fault. I saw it was daddy who actually set him on fire."  
  
"Still, it was my idea. I didn't realize how much it'd stink, though. Don't worry about making meals for him. He's going to lose weight, even if we have to cut pieces out."  
  
"Mrrrrrf!"  
  
-----------------------------  
-----------------------------  
  
I have two images of Cologne, and I believe both are supported by the source material. Cologne is either the wise old mentor who's trying to teach the children something while they make a fuss over who marries whom, or she's the cruel enforcer who cares about nothing but her own laws and honor.  
  
In this story, she's definitely the benevolent teacher who's not above mischievously doing something to make trouble, especially if it'll prompt the children to learn something. In this story, Shampoo's honor isn't in jeopardy per se; it's in limbo until the elders decide what to do about Ranma. She also isn't a cat. By interrupting her quest to bring back important news on the survival of the Amazons, she had a valid reason to go back and find out what Ranma's curse does to her mission.  
  
As for who will wind up with Ranma, I don't know. Nabiki is in the best position at the moment, with Akane in a worse position than Kodachi and Azusa Shiratori. Oddly enough, the more I write, the more screen time Akane seems to get, or at least her actions seem to bend the story. Ukyou is a possibility, but the story seems to be veering away from that.  
  
I don't like Mousse, and with the way everything's stacked against him, his living in Nerima would be truly pathetic. He can still glomp Shampoo, but if he annoys Ranma, Cologne won't just kill him, but torture him first. He could fight Kuno, Ryouga, and possibly Akane, but for what purpose? No one would care. I may leave him out of Nerima completely.  
  
Happosai won't be showing up for a long time. Until he does, Genma's de-thronement will leave Ranma the last member of the Saotome School of Anything Goes, making him de facto head of the school. If Happosai shows up, Ranma loses that status.  
  
Several people have pointed out that Ranma should try to relearn his special attacks. I forgot that. I'm currently working on chapters 5, 6, and 7 simultaneously. If I can rework it, he'll start learning the Amaguriken next chapter; otherwise it'll have to wait until chapters 8 or 9. The Hiryu Shoten Ha is so far in the future I won't comment, and I don't know when a Ki attack will appear.  
  
I'm not going to write this story based on votes, but I am curious, who should Akane end up with? Should it be Kuno? Ryouga? Kodachi? ...  
  
Seriously though, I really appreciate comments and criticisms, and especially corrections and suggestions. 


	5. Chapter 5

Ukyou was working at the grill of her restaurant. It was still largely empty, so when he entered, Ranma had her complete attention. "Hey Ukchan. I'll have a pork okonomiyaki."

"Coming right up. Anything for my fiancee."

This caused Ranma's face to fall. "Ukyou, none of the marriages that Genma set up are valid. I don't know if I'm ever going to get married."

"But what about my families honor?"

"You're getting your honor out of pop's hide. You're my best friend, but only I can ask someone to marry me, and right now I don't think I'll ever ask anybody."

"But why?" Ukyou's mounting anger collapsed into confusion.

"Because the happiness doesn't last, and the misery does. You either lose the person you care for most, or you eventually wish you could lose the spouse you have."

"What if I say my honor still isn't satisfied?"

"My pop's lied to me all my life. He never gave a shit about me. When Soun's done punishing him, your family can have him. You're my best friend, but that doesn't mean I'm going to marry you. I'm not going to swear that we'll never get married, like I did with Akane, but I'm not going to swear that we will either! I've only heard one believable thing that gives me hope I might marry. All the stories of happy marriages don't ring true."

"What was the believable one?"

"I don't remember where I heard it. Some older guy was talking about when he was looking for a girlfriend or wife. He wanted the perfect woman, but he never saw one. Finally he lowered his standards and married someone. Years later when he was recovering from something, he woke up, and saw his wife had fallen asleep in a chair at his bedside. He thought over his life with the woman he married, and realized perfection can only be achieved through both effort and time."

* * *

Soun buttonholed Ranma in private, "Ranma, I know your father's an idiot. But there is still an obligation between our two families, which you and I have to settle. I still want you to marry Akane, and unite the two schools."

Ranma appeared to be more than a little put-upon. "I'm willing to try to unite the two schools, but I will not forswear myself by marrying Akane. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to have a family."

"But you and Akane are perfect for each other!" Soun all but wheedled.

"I'll tell you a secret, if you promise to keep it to yourself. You can't even tell your daughters, and I want you to swear in particular that you'll never tell my father."

"Ok Ranma, what is it?"

"It's about my dream. We've agreed that everything in the dream that we've checked was accurate, right?"

"Yes, so far."

"Well things are now beginning to be different from the dream because I've had the dream. So the dream isn't what has to happen, but what could happen. It's not the future, but what the future could have been. In the dream I had many fiancees, but I married Akane because I loved her."

"See? That's proof you should marry."

"In the dream, everyone was miserable. We had no children. We got divorced twice. Both branches of the school came to an end. That is why I swore never to marry Akane. If I do, all of your dreams die soon after."

"I see. Still, it won't definitely happen this time, the future is changing, right?"

"Do you really want to risk ending both schools that way? There should be a way to make both schools stronger without risking killing them."

* * *

Over a pleasant dinner with Ranma and the Tendos, Soun suggested, "Son, I want you to start teaching Akane the Saotome Ryu. As part of your effort to unite the schools."

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea." Ranma started to say, but he's interrupted by an angry Akane.

"Are you saying I'm not good enough?"

Ranma ignores the interruption. "Mr. Tendo, The methods my father used might have been successful, but they were totally crazy. I want to come up with better ways to teach, but so far, I can't see how."

"Well, son, you could use Akane as a pupil while you figure out how to change things."

"I guess so. The first thing Pop woulda taught her is 'the landing of the drunken owl', assuming he didn't just spar with her to humor her. Pop never did like teaching anyone else but me."

Akane shouted, "A new technique? I demand you show me!"

For the first time this conversation, Ranma acknowledged Akane, his face a mask of anger. "Aren't you listening? The only way I know to teach it is my pop's way, and you'll be trashed violently. I'm not going to beat you senseless!"

"I'm a martial artist! You're not taking me seriously!"

Soun tried to act as the wise mediator. "Son? If you have no ideas yet how to teach it, then you should teach Akane using your father's methods, and watch her to see how it might be taught better."

"I think this is a mistake. But, okay. I'll allow her to try the basic drunken owl a few times, while I look for a better way. I don't promise to continue if I can't find a better way, but I'll show her the basics. The advanced drunken owl is just sadistic, though. No one should go through that. It coulda killed me."

"I'll master the basic and the advanced. You just watch me!"

"Well, you can't even try the advanced until you master the basic. By then I might be able to find a way to scrap the old method. Tendo, I'll need to build something to teach the basic method. Where would I go to buy lumber?"

Nabiki smirked. "Let me guess. The drunken owl needs a perch?"

"Oh no. a trebuchet."

"What's that?"

"It's like a catapult, but instead of using springs to store up energy, it uses rocks on one end of a see-saw arrangement. When the rocks on one arm are allowed to go down, the other end goes up. Akane, how much do you weigh?"

"Pervert! That's none of your business!"

"I need to know so I don't make the trebuchet too strong or to weak!"

This shocked Nabiki. "You mean, Akane is launched from this thing?"

"Yep. Saotome Ryu is an aerial school. Before you can learn how to fight in the air, you have to learn how to safely land. So the trebuchet throws the pupil twenty meters into the air toward a mass of trees."

Nabiki broke the stunned silence. "If you're going to do this anyway, I mean I don't think you should. It sounds too dangerous. But if you are going to do it, can I sell tickets? It would pay for the lumber, at least."

"Only if you make sure that everyone knows that I'm opposed to it, and that Akane is insisting. I think this training method should be sealed, or replaced."

Akane's pride pricked up "I can do it! I'll show you all!"

Ranma ignored Akane's braggadocio, and continued talking to Nabiki. "And let the ticket buyers know that we don't promise how many times we'll do it. We're not doing it for their benefit. If we think of a better way, we'll use that!"

* * *

Once again, Ranma is buttonholed, but this time by Nabiki. "Ok, Ranma. How's this? I've put you at the head of your family's registry. It's legal, and it would take the panda alot of work to try and undo it, if he's smart enough to even do it. I've also found the address of your mother. Is this sufficient to get your formal forgiveness for the photo incident?"

"Thanks! I hadn't thought of that. Sure, let's go tell your father. How did you manage to do that?"

"Remember this morning, when you and daddy decided not to torture the panda tonight, so he could recover his strength for later? I went to him and promised to try to get him a reprieve tonight if he would just sign some papers. I wouldn't have thought a martial artist would fold so quickly."

* * *

A little while later, Ranma came into the living room with some papers he had been working on in private. Ranma asked "How does this letter sound? 'Dear Mrs. Saotome. I have only recently found out that you hadn't died when I was a child. Your husband had lied about this, as well as many other things of importance throughout my life. He is now paying for his crimes against me, and the Tendo family. When we feel we are recompensed, he will be sent to the Kuonji family, and then the Daitokuji family to do with what they will. If he survives this, he will be returned to you. I am currently living with the Tendo family, as I try to decide how to best unite the two martial arts schools, after Genma has forsworn himself on the subject of my marriage. I would like to meet you, please arrange a time with Soun Tendo or Kasumi Tendo for when it would be convenient to have you over. I also ask that you bring the family honor blade with you. As the new head of our clan, I feel it is appropriate that I possess it. Sincerely, your son, Ranma.'"

Kasumi frowned a bit. "That letter isn't very polite, Ranma."

"It wasn't meant to be. She abandoned me to that idiot when I was a child, and now I find that my father is scared for both our lives from her. If she threatens me, or tries to get Genma freed, or force me to do something because of Genma's promises, I will fight back. I can press charges of abandonment, or I can remove her from the family ledger, and reclaim from her a large portion of the family's estate. If she's willing to be reasonable, so will I, but I want her knowing my position before she shows up. If she wants to be my mother, I'll welcome her, but if she wants to be my master, she'll find out how well I grew up without her."

* * *

A tall, attractive woman, with a silk-bound katana knocked on the dojo's doors, and was answered by Kasumi. The woman introduced herself, "Hello, my name is Nodoka Saotome. I understand my son is staying here."

"Yes, won't you please come in? Father is teaching him how to play shogi in the living room."

Upon Nodoka entering the living room, Soun called out, "Nodoka! It has been too long. Let me introduce you to your son Ranma."

"Hello mother." Ranma answered in a reserved manner.

"Hello son. I've missed you. Your letter came as quite a surprise to me."

"As did the fact that you weren't dead. I was lead to believe that that idiot was the only family I had."

Nodoka was shocked, both by Ranma's cold tone and by his words. "You shouldn't show such disrespect to your father."

Ranma's voice grew still colder. "I've shown him much more respect than he deserves, after the number of lives he's ruined. You can see him later if you like. We have him behind the dojo where he can't get away. In an attempt to rescue the honor of the Saotome clan, I have become its head. This is a bit awkward, as you are still my mother, but I'm sure we can resolve this."

"What happened to you? You used to be such a friendly child."

"Repeated betrayals by family and friends. Being chased through China by an assassin. Numerous curses. A vision of the life that I was being shoehorned into. And a few things I wouldn't mention in polite company. It wasn't until I put my foot down that I was treated with any respect, so now I put my foot down hard. Now I insist that my respect for others be earned before I give it."

"Has Genma failed that badly?" Nodoka made Genma promise to be a man among men, not considering he could fail so spectacularly in other ways.

Ranma spoke for himself and the Tendos, "We think so. We know of at least three families that he's promised me in marriage. When I was six, he abandoned my best friend and stole her dowry. It took her ten years living with that disgrace to hunt him down. The numerous things he has done to me I might someday forgive, but the number of lives he's hurt, especially those in my name, I cannot forgive him."

"He promised he was going to raise you to be a man among men, or you both would commit seppuku."

This made Ranma furious. "And you allowed this?"

"What choice did I have?" Over the last ten years she had considered that she had made a mistake letting Genma take Ranma, but that she had been paying for that mistake. She chalked it up to the necessary hardships of being a proper wife. She never considered that her mistake could have hurt others.

Ranma was now shouting at Nodoka, "Refuse him! Divorce him! Forbid him! Abandon him! Cripple him!" He calmed slightly, and said, "So that's why he was so scared of you. He thought my curse wasn't manly."

"What curse?"

Ranma dismissed the question. "It doesn't matter. I am a man, and I will have to challenge anyone who says I'm not."

"Are you threatening your own mother?"

"No, I'm giving you a chance to be my mother again. But I've grown up, and I have my own terms. I want your support; I'm not offering you mine. I am the legal head of the Saotome Clan, and I'm the eldest male, besides your husband, who has lost that right. You wanted a man among men, you've got me."

Soun stood behind Ranma, and said, "Ever since Ranma has come here, he has behaved in a manner that I would be willing to have him as a son in law. In spite of Genma's betrayal, he is still welcome in this house."

Nodoka's pride prevented her from showing her feelings. Stoically she said "You have grown up into a man among men. I never imagined you would become so bitter at such a young age. I wish I never let Genma take you away. May I see my husband?"

Soun said, "Of course. I'm sure you'd like some privacy. All I ask is that you don't break the cement."

"Cement?"

Ranma explained, "The most humane way we could find to keep him from running away. His calves are stuck in cement, with rebar going into the ground below. We can't keep him under constant surveillance, and he could get free it we only used ropes. We considered body piercing but decided that wasn't humane."

* * *

Ranma, in a respectful manner approached Cologne. "Sensei, I'd like your advice on a family problem. Soun Tendo wants me to start teaching his daughter the Saotome Ryu."

"Well, every martial artist has to teach if they don't want the art to die down."

"That's not the problem. I've told you how my father taught me, and I believe some of the training methods were a bit," Ranma paused, looking for the right word, "excessive?"

"Some danger is necessary if the student is going to be able to handle actual risks in combat."

"Yes, but. This is Akane, and she's agreeing to do any damn fool thing I say, before I tell her what it is! I think teaching her the advanced version of 'the landing of the drunken owl' could kill her. There's gotta be a smarter way to teach it than pop's method."

"How does that one go?"

"You want the long explanation or the short one?"

"The short one will do."

"Tie her arms to the opposite legs, blindfold the student, slightly concuss him, and fling him twenty meters up into some trees."

"And what age did your father try this with you?"

"When I was four. It's pivotal to the Saotome Ryu"

"Well there are two ways of redesigning it. One is to make it less dangerous. A safety net comes to mind. The other is to find a completely different method to teach the same skills."

Ranma thought aloud "The real problem is the fall when you fail to grab the tree. You're dazed, and in pain, and that makes it tough to land well."

"You do realize that if you throw someone in the air, when they're at their highest point is when they'll be going slowest. It's easier to get them moving at that speed closer to the ground. Keep in mind that for it to be effective, you've got to make the student hate failing as much as if they did fall sixty feet, but without the danger."

* * *

Ranma ran up to the usual vacant lot that they'd been using for sparring practice full of enthusiasm. "Kuno! It worked! Better than I thought!"

"Your plan to defang your father?"

"That and more! I'm now the head of the Saotome family, and Tendo seems to be losing interest in me marrying Akane! I think he's going to try to engage me to Nabiki or Kasumi, but it means he's open to compromise."

"How did this happen?"

"Well I convinced Tendo that it was my father who betrayed the Tendos. While we were venting our displeasure, Nabiki got him to sign the family over to me."

"Truly this is good news. Shall we spar?"

"Just a minute. I saw your fight with Akane this morning. What happened? You could have knocked her out four times, and I don't see how you failed to block her last shot."

"'Tis true. You have divined my secret shame. I cannot bring myself to hurt her. Oh, that anyone should be in such a wretched position as I. Unable to defeat her, due to the love that spurns me to fight her. I shall forever suffer." Kuno was in full dramatic rant.

"Come on, there are ways around this."

"Tell me, please!" He seized upon the idea.

Ranma suggested, "Ask Tendo for the right to spar with him. He's Akane's teacher. You can go all out against him, and if you impress him, you'll have an easier time getting him to release Akane for marriage."

"You're right! I should meet my future father-in-law. Will you arrange it discreetly? I wouldn't wish to embarrass Akane before her family."

* * *

"Hey, Tendo, I've been sparring with someone at school. He's a decent Kendoist. He can't bring himself to hurt Akane, so could he spar with you?"

"Well, I don't know. I don't compete often these days. I only spar with people I know."

"He really doesn't have anyone else. He's surpassed his old teacher, but without decent opponents, he's gained some bad habits. With a little work he could be much better."

"Well. Ok. It is a teacher's duty to teach. I'll do it."

"He asked if I set this up discretely. He knows Akane and Nabiki, and would be embarrassed if they knew."

Soun realized that his lack of recent training meant his opponent might actually hit him a few times. Of course, with his skills, he would win in the end, but it would be embarrassing to be hit by someone as old as his daughters, especially if they knew. "Yes, it would be better if this were done discreetly. Do you think he could get out of class one afternoon? We could spar while Kasumi was shopping, and Akane and Nabiki were in class."

"Sure, want me to set it up for tomorrow afternoon?"

"That sounds good."

* * *

That evening, Ranma announces at dinner, "I'm splitting the training for the basic drunken owl into two parts."

"Don't you dare. I can do it the way you learned it."

"This is my school. I'm the sensei. If you want to learn it, you'll learn it using the methods I teach you. I'll accept advice and suggestions from your father, and even from you if you phrase them politely. But from now on, the basic drunken owl landing of the Saotome Ryu will be taught in two parts. Students that cannot even master the first part will not be taught the second. Is that understood?"

"Ok. What's the first part?"

"You need a harness so that we can tie a rope to fasten behind you, as near to your center of gravity. Then we let you swing down and try to grab onto a perch. Also, you're going to be wearing a motorcycle helmet whether you like it or not!"

"That doesn't sound too tough."

Nabiki asked "How high a swing are we talking about?"

"10 meters to start, and the perch will be obscured until she's almost on it. Akane will be traveling at about 50kph when she hits it." Turning to Akane, Ranma sneered, "Is that masochistic enough for you?" Ranma turned back to Nabiki and Soun, and in a normal voice said "I wish I had a second student Akane could spar against, we could make half of the rope a bungee cord, and give her a taste of aerial fighting while she's still learning to jump and land."

Nabiki commented, "If you removed the perch, and came up with a safe way of stopping and getting down, that could be fun."

* * *

At their next bout, Kuno announced, "Your assumption of the mantle of clan head has inspired me to do so also."

"What about your parents? You never mention them."

"My mother disappeared while on a trip, when I was six. My father disappeared when I was ten. Since then, I've been the de facto head, but yesterday evening I assumed the de jure position. My sister didn't take it well."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

"Few people do. She goes to a different school, where they can better handle her eccentricities."

"I would have thought this school could handle anyone."

"Oh no. This school can handle warriors such as us, but my sister has a devious streak, that the faculty is ill equipped to handle."

"So where does she go to school?"

"Saint Hebereke. But I'm thinking of offering her another school to go to. She feels that an all girl's school ill suits her, and as she's Akane's age, she feels she's old enough to deal with boys on a regular basis. I've heard good things from Kolholtz high school. Frankly even though I love her dearly, I hope she finds someone worth of her interests. When she gets bored, she tends to leave traps for me."

"What kind of traps?"

"Drugged food, exploding toothbrush, electrified kendo dummies. She can be quite devious."

"Ouch. What do you do about it?"

"Well, I have hired a firm to keep the training hall, my bedroom and bathroom under 24 hour surveillance when I'm not there. They alert me to anything she does in them. The surveillance didn't do me any good when she pumped nitrous oxide and ether into my room, but they protect me often enough."

"Wow, how do you protect against gas attacks?"

"I had an industrial strength halon discharge system installed with breathable air. Unfortunately it blows out the windows when I use it."

* * *

As Ranma arranged, Soun and Kuno faced each other in privacy across the dojo floor. Before they started to fight, Soun asked, "So, son. Why did you want to spar?"

"Besides Ranma and Akane, I have not been able to find an opponent worthy of myself. Unfortunately, the idea of fighting at full force against Akane is inimitable to me. I believe I have surpassed her, but find myself unable to prove it. As you are her teacher, you should be able to determine my skill, and also provide an opponent who could sharpen my skills. Ranma has pointed out to me the risk of my skills degrading due to the weak showings of my usual opponents."

"That makes perfect sense, let's start."

"Before we begin, honesty compels me to admit that I had another reason to desire to meet you. I have not yet met another woman so perfect as your youngest daughter. At some other point in time, I'd like to petition you for the right to date her. I have expressed my opinion to Akane, but she is too shy and demure in the area of romance to respond."

"We should discuss this at length later. I think Ranma's refusal to marry her might have hurt her. Someone else's interest might be just what she needs at this point."

* * *

Later, as Soun contemplated his victory over Kuno, by a slight margin, he spotted Ranma and asked, "Ranma, what do you know about this Tatewaki fellow?"

"He's a good fighter, with some bad habits I'm trying to remove. He's obsessed with Akane. He's also the head of his clan, which currently consists of himself and his younger sister. They own the Kuno estate on the other side of Nerima."

"Sounds like a nice young man. I should see what Akane thinks of him."

A few minutes later, Akane arrived home from school. "Tadaima!"

Soun asked her, "Akane! Welcome home. What do you think of Tatewaki Kuno?"

"He's an egotistical jerk! I hate him! I'd emasculate him if he hadn't started wearing a cup!" She stormed off to her room, and slammed the door.

Soun looked wistful, and smiled. "She's so like her mother."

* * *

Nabiki buttonholed Ranma and Soun and dragged them off to talk in private. "Ranma, Daddy, we have to talk."

"What is it, Nabiki?"

"You know how I'm pretty good at judging odds at sporting events?"

"Yes, you have a good eye for that."

"If we don't do something, I give Akane an 80% chance of being seriously injured, even if you were to forbid her from learning the drunken owl. There's even a chance of death."

"My baby!"

Ranma snapped at Soun. "This isn't the time for tears. If we want to change things, we've got to think straight!" After Soun sobered up, Ranma asked, "Why do you think it's that high, Nabiki? I thought I gauged it pretty well for her skill level."

"She's trying to find out how to build her own trebuchet."

"Damn it! I knew she was stubborn!"

Nabiki asked, "You've seen one being built. How hard is it?"

"It's the simplest thing in the world. It's just a bloody seesaw with stones at one end. Any idiot could make one with two logs and some rope. The hard part is making one you can aim! If you can't aim it precisely, the odds of injury go through the roof! Ok, Nabiki, you're the sneakiest one of us. How do we stop her?"

"We can't stop her. All she'd have to do is convince someone else to build it for her, and then give us the slip once, and use it. We need to slow her down, and at the same time dangle something else for her to work on instead. She won't change her mind if ordered, but she'll forget this if something else more pressing comes up."

Ranma asked, "What if she had someone to compete with? I wanted to find her a sparring partner, but there aren't any good choices."

"What about Kuno?" Nabiki suggested.

"I'm sorry, but he's the worst choice. He holds back when Akane is around, and I need one student with a cool head who'll tell me if something is too dangerous. Akane would stick a tanto in her belly if she thought I might have learned a technique that way. Shampoo is out too, she'd make mince meat out of Akane. Ryouga might work if he were always around."

Nabiki suggested, "She has no reason to do it, but how about Ukyou?"

"She'd be good. If Ukyou were unarmed, and Akane wasn't angry, Akane would be in Ukyou's class. Akane and Ukyou are just acquaintances, so there's no hatred or love between them."

Soun asked, "Would she do it?"

Nabiki smirked, "I could talk her into it. I'm pretty sure."

This caused Ranma to frown. "She's a good friend, and I still owe her alot. I don't want her tricked into this."

"Tricking her wouldn't be any good. I could trick her into helping once, maybe twice. We need her help on a long term basis. That means presenting her with all the facts, but presenting it in an order where she'll favorably consider helping." Turning to her father, she continued, "If I get her to agree, daddy, I need you to formally thank her when Akane isn't around, and let her know that the Tendos realize we owe her one, even if Akane doesn't realize it."

"If she can keep any of my daughters from serious injury, she has my thanks."

Ranma, thinking about Soun's tendencies to overprotect his daughters, pointed out, "Remember, in order to keep Akane from serious injury, whomever Akane gets for a sparring partner is going to have to beat her up occasionally. In order for this to work, you have to acknowledge the fact that it's in Akane's best interest for Ukyou to beat her up. It's my job to see that nothing happens that they can't heal up from, but Akane's sparring partner has to be willing to cause her pain."

"I know. I know. I just can't stand thinking about it."

Ranma said "The alternative is to have Nabiki or Kasumi do it."

Nabiki answered "No thank you very much!"

* * *

Author's Note:

I never had any intention to explore why Ranma had his dream in the story. It struck me that there would be no way to tell from Ranma's perspective if he just dreamed it, or if he actually was sent back in time into his old body with his memories suitably blurred, i.e. an older Ranma possessing a younger Ranma. There's nothing in his dream to indicate that he did go back, but there wouldn't be if it were done without his consent.

This story was inspired by the idea that Ranma forgives Genma in the original because he finds out Genma's problems one at a time, and has time to forgive each one. Here he is presented with the entire series's screwups all at once, and rather than accepting them, rejects them all together. My original idea involved Ranma, Genma, a handgrenade, and a truth serum. I think the dream idea works better :)

After the torture of Genma, the story started to lose steam. I started to write an omiai scene for Kuno and Akane, where everyone crashed the party, and everyone thought it was for different couples, only Ranma, Kuno, and Soun knew what was supposed to happen. But it didn't work out well. Then I thought of the idea of Ranma training Akane, and of all of the humor inherent in that.

I'm holding off on having Ranma learn the Amaguriken. In the original, he has to train in the Nekohanten as a waitress to get his speed up before trying the chestnuts. In this story, events aren't leaving him much time to train. He has to be a sensei quickly before Akane kills herself. Cologne isn't about to trap Ranma in the wrong gender, so Ranma doesn't have the incentive to learn the attack right away.

I'm probably going to put off indefinitely Kaori showing up. She was more of a fiancee-of-the-week than a serious part of the storyline. If she serves some purpose to the story I'll use her, but I don't want to just retell the original events.

I had plans for Kodachi. Ranma's changes to Kuno is having offscreen effects on Kodachi. Ranma is driving Kuno to be more proactive, or at least reactive to Ranma. Kodachi is the only one who had a schedule for when she was due to appear, due to the gymnastics match. And I don't have an excuse for why she's not on schedule. I just have nothing for her to do right now.

Happosai will show up, but a few weeks late. and as I'm using fewer and fewer days per chapter the longer I write, Happosai will have to wait a little longer for the random lightning strike to free him.

You've heard of the butterfly effect leading to the creation of a storm? Imagine the effect of one Ranma's mouth flapping?

As far as Ranma's concerned, in the dream he loved Akane, but couldn't stand living with her. He tried to change after the first divorce, but that wasn't enough. This time he's going to do everything in his power not to fall in love with Akane. It isn't fair. It may not even be necessary. He could even be passing up a wonderful life with her. It is, however, sensible and understandable, especially as there's no reason in this story that he has to settle on Akane. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No sense being a damn fool about it."

Instead of responding to her insults, Ranma's ignoring Akane as much as possible. This, of course pisses Akane off, so more insults follow. Granted it might be a little out of character to have Ranma acting more mature than Akane, but that's just appearance. the reason for Ranma's actions are just as childish as they always were.

This Akane is still going through the morning Horde, against a Kuno whose skill is increasing (although he's sabotaging his victories), and hasn't given up her crush on Tofu. She also doesn't have a pet to confide in. She doesn't threaten ranma with violence, but Ranma wouldn't let her get away with it if she did. 


	6. Chapter 6

Ranma walked up to Ukyou. "I gotta talk to you. Nabiki told me you agreed to learn my school, and be a sparring partner to Akane."

"Ok, Ran-chan, what's up? Or should I call you sensei?"

"'Sensei' is just during lessons. I gotta make sure you know what you're getting into. My father's training methods are sadistic. And Akane's behaving like a masochist! I've gotta change things, and I need you to tell me what you think before I spring things on Akane and you."

"I can handle that."

"Well, Cologne had some good suggestions on lessening the danger. The problem in making it less dangerous is it removes some of the incentive to strive past your limits to succeed. So I thought of replacing risk of injury, with risk of embarrassment."

"I'm not sure I like the sound of that."

"That's why we gotta talk before-hand. The penalties have to be really embarrassing to work, but they can't be so bad you can't go through with it. Nabiki and Kasumi are vetoing things for Akane, but you've got to decide for yourself if a punishment is too severe or weak. For the first technique we're replacing an uncontrolled sixty foot fall from a tree with these. Ranma hands her a sheet."

"Oh, my!"

* * *

"Kuno! I've more news for you about Akane."

"Tell me."

"Well, Soun wants me to teach Akane my school of unarmed combat, but without the throwing of the student out of a tree."

"So she will be learning your skills."

"But there's no way for anyone to learn without the element of danger, so Nabiki is helping me replace the danger of injury with the danger of embarrassment."

"What sort of embarrassment?"

"I can't say. Nabiki is deciding the embarrassments. After all, if you or I were to force Akane to moon the audience, we'd be perverts. But if Nabiki makes her moon us, we're helping her development as a martial artist."

"I'll be there!"

* * *

Although they thought they knew what to expect from Nabiki's descriptions, they were overwhelmed by the carnival atmosphere. The school seemed to have emptied out into the forest. Ranma hopped up onto the perch to make his announcements, using a mike from a battery operated karaoke sound system to broadcast.

"Ladies and gentlemen. This is an experiment. Akane and Ukyou will be trying to learn a maneuver. Whenever they fail, Nabiki will assign an embarrassment. In order to finely control the level of embarrassment, the use of photography or other recording equipment is prohibited."

Sasuke sighed in relief as he lowers the TV station quality video camera.

"Both students will be given a single practice run. After that, they have to do whatever Nabiki tells them if they fail. If they refuse, they're out of my school. The first exercise is learning to stop at 50kph, or the speed of someone jumping out a third or fourth floor window. As this is the easy part of the lesson, the target is visible, and non-slippery! If they miss their target, Clive Barker, tell them what they lose!"

Nabiki growled. "I knew suggesting you use daytime television as a source of ideas was a bad idea." Turning on her own mike, Nabiki announced "Each contestant gets one free screw-up. After that, the first two mistakes get traded in for ... One embarrassing childhood secret! For Akane Tendo, we have her nickname from when she was three years old!" The crowd ooohed appreciatively. "For Ukyou, we have a potty training story. And folks, it's scatological!" The crowd ahhed, appreciatively."

Akane shouted down from the leaping off point "Couldn't we just fall from a height, or get hit in the stomach with a plank or something?"

Ranma shouted back, "Nope! And if you can't get it in three tries, the next level of failure brings ..." Ranma pauses to heighten the audience's attention "Audience participation! Nabiki will be selecting two volunteers. Each volunteer is only allowed to help in one forfeit, so if you want to participate in the more embarrassing ones, don't sign up yet! You must tell Nabiki if you're participating in order to help the victim, revenge, or because you fancy the victim." Akane whimpers.

Ranma called out "Now for the first leap. Begin!"

Seconds later, Akane face planted into the main vertical support, while Ukyou collided with hers at a glancing blow, and bounced off to the side.

Nabiki called out "So far, the score's tied at one all. No clear winner after the risk-free inning. While the contestants are pulling themselves back up to the leaping perch, let's have a word with their Sensei, Ranma Saotome. Ranma, what did you think of their initial leap?"

"Well, it's really hard to tell at this point. Either one of them could have face planted on the first go. The second leap is much more important, to see whether they make the same mistake, or if they learn, and wind up making new mistakes. That's why they were allowed one free go, they're being graded on how fast they can improve over this first leap."

"Thank you Ranma. And I can see our students are ready to go for round two."

Ranma called out "Begin!" and the two leaped. Akane tried to grab the vertical support in a bear-hug, but was ripped off as her momentum sent her past it. Ukyou came in feet first, using her legs to absorb the shock, but this sent her shooting off unharmed.

Nabiki announced "And with the score tied two all, we go to Ranma. Any comments?"

"Well, Ukyou's swing would have been the smartest move of this were the original training method, as it left her in control after the collision, unfortunately that doesn't help with our embarrassment-penalty system. Still, if she can bleed off enough momentum to allow her to grab the post, she'll do well. Akane's playing to her upper body strength, which is unusually high for a woman, unfortunately it's also a woman's greatest weakness, and I'd imagine her chest is really hurting. She's going about this exercise the hard way. If she succeeds, it'll be quite an accomplishment. With normal training methods, as long as she can bear the pain, her straightforward brute-strength method is as good as any other. I wonder how her training will go when she realizes she has to learn quickly to avoid embarrassment."

Nabiki announced "We also have our first two volunteers for the up and coming forfeits. Two of Akane's friends, Yuka and Sayuri, who are doing this to try and keep the forfeit from being too embarrassing. We'll be announcing the forfeit after the third leap."

Ranma shouted "Begin!"

This time, Ukyou hit the horizontal perch feet first, and absorbed 80% of her momentum, landing in a crouch, unfortunately her momentum carried her over the top. Akane tried a bear hug using both arms and legs, and smacked into the central support chest, face, and pelvis first, knocking her silly. Because of the pain and the stunning, she failed to hold on.

Nabiki announced over the mike "And with the score tied three all, we come to the first forfeit. The girls will be let down, for embarrassment, rest, and advice."

Ranma walked over to his two students. "So, what do you think? Are you learning anything from this method?"

Akane suggested "Never stop a pole with your pelvis? It feels like I was kicked in the groin, chest, and face simultaneously."

Ranma commented "Be glad you're not male. Trust me; it hurts much much more for males. You know you're doing it the painful way, don't you?"

"I don't need your advice!"

Ranma smirked. "Don't need a teacher's advice? Your funeral. How about you, Ukyou?"

"I'll get it shortly. I've got the stopping part down. I just need to get the stopping on a dime part."

Ranma commented "You'll both get it soon on your own. It looks like Nabiki's ready to do the forfeit."

Nabiki announced into her mike, "Because of Akane's late potty-training, and her method of announcing her diaper needed changing, Akane's first nickname was ..." Nabiki paused "Poo-poo-chan!" After the snickering died down, Nabiki continued "While potty training, Ukyou once used the result as face paint, and went hollering like a movie version of an American Indian around the house, bottomless, while trying to evade capture!"

Both Ukyou and Akane's faces have gone pale. Ranma asked "Are you sure you don't want a word of advice? It might speed up your success, and lessen the number of forfeits."

Akane said "I suppose advice couldn't hurt."

"Two things. First, you're not competing in this. You can share what you learn in this exercise. Second, you've each learned different halves of doing this stage. Akane's clinging would have worked by now if the momentum was less. You'll have to get much better if you're going to just grab on. Ukyou has removed most of her momentum, but unless you learn to remove exactly all of your momentum, you'll still go flying off after landing. You both want to use your legs like Ukyou to slow down, but you want to rebound into the center pole, and grab on like Akane to fully stop. You can continue what you were doing, and you'll succeed eventually, if you want."

Ukyou commented "He's right, Akane. We're not competing with each other; we're both competing against Nabiki. And if Sensei has advice, and we ignore it, we deserve what we get."

Ranma asked "Before we continue, I want to ask about safety equipment. I guess you see why the helmet was necessary. You could learn without it but it'd take longer if you had to recover from head-blows. Are there any suggestions for making this safer? Remember I plan to teach others someday. Males will have to wear a cup."

"Something to protect the knees from collision, but kneepads would be useless. Gloves might be nice if they provided traction."

Ranma shook his head. "We'll be removing traction soon enough. I don't want you to get used to it. You'd better get back to your perch. Nabiki's signaling that we should get moving. Remember, share your observations."

As Ranma walked back to Nabiki, and the students lifted themselves to their perch, Nabiki announced "For the next forfeit, we have Yuka and Sayuri, six whip-cream pies, and two photographers! Let's see what Poo-poo-chan and the Indian Chief have learned, shall we?"

Ranma called out "Begin!"

This time both Ukyou and Akane struck the horizontal perch near the vertical pole, and pushed off into bear hugs of the center pole. Ukyou's landing was lighter than Akane's as she had more practice absorbing her momentum, but Akane's increased 'hug strength' stopped her.

Nabiki announced "And we have a tie! Three all. Both of them succeeded on the fourth try! Time to up the difficulty!"

Ranma announced "For the next stage, you have to succeed at least three times to pass. This is to insure that no one passes this stage due to luck, and because later stages are much harder. Much much harder. For stage two we've constructed panels of stretched butcher paper which block the sight of the perch until just before impact. Behind the screen, each perch gets modified to be different every jump. If we run out of screens or forfeits, we'll continue tomorrow."

The lack of time to prepare a landing favored Akane's method of grabbing the center pole, however the method was of no use unless she could successfully use her legs to bleed her speed and direct herself into a position to grab the pole. The first attempt had Akane nearly missing the target entirely, her left foot connected with little effect as she flew past. Ukyou hit the horizontal perch off-balanced, grabbed the vertical bar near where it branched, and barely stopped herself by wrapping her legs around the vertical pole, well above her head, leaving her upside down and looking silly.

Nabiki asked for volunteers for the third forfeit, and with Ranma's wink to Kuno, Kuno volunteered, with Daisuke sensing which way the wind was blowing, volunteering immediately after.

On the next leap, Akane successfully bled off her momentum with her legs against the central pole, until they each decided to slide off in opposite directions, leaving her to collide pelvis first, but successfully hugging the pole. Ukyou failed to bleed off enough speed before grabbing the pole, and found herself ripped off it due to momentum.

Nabiki shouts "And they're tied again! Four all! Any comments, Ranma?"

"They're doing better than I thought. Whether it's due to luck, or skill I can't say. If they breeze through this stage, it'll be harder on them in stages three and four. While Ukyou's landing looked silly, it shows she was thinking quickly, and adapting to a bad situation. Akane's landing displayed less skill and more determination to succeed, and since she's here to learn the skill, she should have no problem eventually."

The next leap resulted in a double failure, and a double forfeit. Yuka and Sayuri received last minute instructions from Nabiki. For the forfeit, Nabiki and Ranma stood behind Akane and Ukyou, and covered their eyes. Yuka and Sayuri each had a pie, and people held four more to hand to them.

Akane and Ukyou were expecting that Yuka and Sayuri would throw the pies into each of their faces. Instead, while Ukyou and Akane couldn't see, Yuka and Sayuri walked up to Akane and smooshed one pie each into Akane's breasts. When Akane opened up her mouth to object, Nabiki uncovered Akane's eyes in time to see Sayuri smoosh a third pie in her face. The photographers recording the expression for eternity. Then Yuka and Sayuri took the fourth and fifth pie, and smooshed Ukyou's breasts, followed by Yuka smooshing the sixth in Ukyou's face.

After the whipped cream is wiped off faces, and clothes, Nabiki announces "The score's five-five! Due to the severity of the next forfeit, the contestants..." Nabiki paused "I mean the students are each allowed three failures. The forfeit, to be delivered by Kuno and Daisuke is ... PUBLIC SPANKING! Lying over the knees, four swats with trousers down, panties on, and no fondling!"

"WHAT?" Akane and Ukyou scream in stereo.

Kuno slid into a daydream, and began to nose-bleed. Daisuke grinned ear-to-ear, and snuck quick glances at Ukyou.

* * *

Author's Note:

Not exactly a cliff-hanger, is it? They'd better learn it before the public streaking, because anything after that'd make me change my rating to R! :)

I'm still writing chapter 7, which will finish the first day, and the start of the second. It also will be at least 50% longer. Ranma's training in the Amagurican has been delayed while he works on getting his body's speed up. Genma and Nodoka deserve more time, perhapse in a day or two (Chapter 8 or 9). Kodachi is still on standby, and Kaori and the golden pair are on indefinite postponement.

I'd like to have Ranma help Akane with her attitude problem, but I can't see Ranma figuring out how to do that. On the other hand, getting serious training, having a training partner she can relate and comiserate with, and dealing with the embarrasments themselves should have some effect. I just haven't decided what it is yet.

The problem inherent in having Ranma learn the Tendo School is that besides the demon head, we see no evidence of it being anything but straight kempo in the Manga and Anime. Also Soun's teaching methods would be rather boring as he wont risk Akane. Is there anyone who thinks Soun could train Ranma without training Akane?

However, Akane, going through what Ranma did, even a more sane version, well that's slapstick! Besides, Ranma is now Cologne's student, and I doubt she'd be willing to share that with Soun. Happosai can do what he likes, but Soun's not going to upset Cologne without a very good reason.

Hey! I just realized! Soun and Cologne have both given up on forcing Ranma. There's no reason they should be opposed at all. And they're both widowers! Anyone think the kids should fix them up on a date?

I'm just adding that to promote people to comment. Comments, especially corrections, are dearly appreciated. 


	7. Chapter 7

Three attempts later, Nabiki announced, "The score's 8-7. Akane needs one more success to complete the second stage, while Ukyou has to pay the forfeit, and still succeed two more times." 

Ranma took Daisuke aside while Ukyou climbed down. "Daisuke, will you take some advice?" 

"You're not gonna tell me not to do it, are you?" 

"Naw. But I know this is the kind of thing that brings out the pervert in people. And I saw you grinning at Ukyou earlier. Ukyou can whip the hide of anyone at our school, except possibly Akane, Kuno, and I. If you don't want her killing you later, make sure you don't touch anything important, except for the spanking itself, make sure you hit the bottom, aiming higher rather than lower. And most important, ask her for permission before you start! Spank her like a gentleman." 

"But what if she says no?" 

"Then you'll be escaping with your life, and someone else will spank her, be branded as the school's biggest pervert and spend the rest of the year being beaten up by Ukyou and Akane. If she says yes, you'll have permission. And don't smile when you ask her, or she will say no."

* * *

Daisuke approached Ukyou; both of them were blushing. "Um, if you don't want me to touch you, I'll ask Nabiki to choose someone else." 

"Why?" 

"I don't want to upset you. Ranma pointed out that while you're forced to be spanked, you'd be justified to punish anyone who took advantage of the situation." 

This confused Ukyou, "How could anyone take advantage of a spanking?" 

"You're just trying to embarrass me, aren't you?" 

"No. Really." 

Daisuke blushed harder. "Some guys would try to fondle a cute girl bent over their lap." 

Ukyou imagined Daisuke and her in that situation, and immediately swung into rage against Daisuke. "WHAT?" 

Daisuke tried to rush out his explanation to get past the embarrassment. "It is an excuse to put your hand on a girl's bottom. It would be easy to go farther. Anyway, I'm not going to spank you, unless you tell me it's all right." 

Ukyou's anger evaporated. "If you don't spank me, someone else will. If you promise not to take advantage, I'll give you permission." 

"Deal." 

Blushing heavily, the two walked back to the crowd, stealing quick glances at one another. Before this point, Daisuke was inflicted upon Ukyou; but with her granting permission and failing to veto him as a choice, Ukyou had, in some respect, chosen Daisuke; suddenly turning an impersonal punishment rather personal. 

Daisuke sat on a stool, and offered Ukyou a hand as she dropped to her knees. She lowered the trousers of her gi, and lay down over his legs. 

Daisuke gazed at her panty-covered bottom, and mumbled in a voice Ukyou almost couldn't hear, "Kawai," before delivering two swift slaps to each buttock. 

After the spanking, and simultaneous photography, a blushing Daisuke offered a deeply blushing Ukyou a hand up, as the audience applauded and whistled. 

Ukyou hurried back to her swinging harness and pulled herself up to leap, and try to finish stage two. Ukyou dreaded having to do something more embarrassing still, so she really strove to make an effort to get the two successes that'd let her finish this stage. 

Akane knew she only needed one more failure before she would be spanked by Kuno and one more success in order to complete this stage. This motivated her beyond what she was normally capable of. Unfortunately the positioning of the perch wasn't what she was expecting as she burst through the obscuring paper screen. 

Akane failed, while Ukyou succeeded. 

Akane, realizing she was due to be spanked by Kuno went into shock, and seemingly emotionlessly, lowered herself to the ground. 

Meanwhile Ranma pulled Kuno aside to warn him. "Kuno, I gotta warn ya. If Nabiki thinks you're fondling her sister while you spank her, she's gonna ruin your family, and Soun will probably forbid you ever marrying her." 

"I hadn't thought of that. What advice do you have for me?" 

"Make sure you don't touch anything important, except for the spanking itself, make sure you hit the bottom, aiming higher rather than lower. And most important, ask her for permission before you start! Spank her like a gentleman." 

"Sound advice! I shall do as you say." 

Kuno strode like a king, and sat on the stool, as if it were a throne. 

Akane's shock transubstantiated into anger. Her friends gathered behind her suggesting she "Get it over with." She knelt next to Kuno, dropped her trousers, and as she leaned over Kuno's legs, her breast brushed his arm. This turned her anger to barely controlled fury. 

Taking Ranma's advice to "Ask her for permission before you start! Spank her like a gentleman," Kuno placed one hand on the small of her back, and raised his other hand to the sky to declaim, "How blessed am I to be in this position. Truly the heavens reward the just that I am assigned the task of chastising this pert and expansive bottom." 

Akane turned apoplectic, and a blue glow appears around her. The hand on her back made her feel that Kuno believed he had a right to try to pin her down. She wouldn't be able to decide what infuriated her worse. There were too many different indignities to bear, yet objecting would be an admission of failure. Pride in herself barely restrained her fury. 

Kuno was oblivious and continued on. "Verily, you could ask for none better than I to tan your bum. Thus, reverently, I smack it once." Kuno gave her cheek a smack, letting his hand linger a second, before sliding it back slowly. Akane hardly felt it through her battle aura. 

"Truly this day shall be remembered in myth and story. It reminds me of the Greek hero Jason, leader of the Argonauts, and his quest in search of the golden hind!" Kuno gave her other cheek a smack, again letting his hand linger over-long, before sliding slowly off. Akane's teeth ground in silent fury. 

"That this too too solid flesh should suffer a bruise is a crime against nature. Yet if these apples need be bruised, there's none so deserving as I!" Kuno delivered the third slap. 

"Would that I could peel those apples. Nibble on them, and suckle the concomitant juice!" The moment the fourth slap landed, Akane went from kneeling to standing in one move, pulling up her trousers at the same time. 

This was followed by the most severe beat down witnessed in Nerima to date. 

Luckily for Kuno, he wasn't conscious for most of it.

* * *

After the last blow fell on the prostrate Kuno, Ranma announced, "As soon as Akane is no longer angry, we'll finish up today with this stage, followed by a brief spar between Akane and Ukyou." 

The two spanked girls both managed to complete their leaps successfully, allowing them to finish the stage, and finish the day with a score of eight mistakes each. 

Ukyou and Akane reattached their harnesses at the intersection of a collection of bungee cords fashioned in the shape of a capital 'H' with one half red, and the other blue. 

Ranma announced the rules. "Hand to hand sparring. No forfeits are awarded. At this stage this is just for fun and to acclimatize you. You're not allowed to touch the bungee cords colored on your opponent's side. You can pull or hold your own though. Begin!"

* * *

After the crowds had dispersed, Ranma, Nabiki, Akane, and Ukyou secured the equipment, so that they can use it again the next day without too much difficulty. Akane was still angry, but not to the point that she'd take it out on her companions. 

Ranma broke the quiet, saying "Kuno's banned from all future forfeits." 

Akane's anger rose at the mention of Kuno's name, and dipped when she realized the meaning of Ranma's message. "You mean that?" 

"Damn straight! The spanking was supposed to be the equivalent of falling three times from a treetop while out of control. A bad sprain, or maybe a light fracture, and being beaten black and blue. If Kuno kept his mouth shut, and just spanked you, you'd have been pissed off, but not like this." 

"And whose idea was it to spank us in the first place?" 

"Actually, it was Kasumi's." Nabiki answered. Akane and Ukyou looked at Nabiki as if she were lying. "Kasumi and I brain-stormed over what would be embarrassing, but not permanently harmful. We rated them, and we put aside the really serious ones. The extremely strong ones will only come out when you start finding things like the pie-covered breasts to be unimportant. There are a few that'd earn money, which I wasn't allowed to vote on. Ranma and Kasumi agreed that any money earned would first pay for the equipment, and then be split between Ukyou, and the Tendo family's expenses." 

"Unfortunately tomorrow's stage is going to be embarrassing all by itself." Ranma added. "I've talked it over with Kasumi, Nabiki, and Cologne, and they agree that you'll have to wear something other than a gi. If you were both boys, you'd be doing it wearing only protective gear. You'll have to wear a one-piece bathing suit with straps that won't slide off, or a leotard that doesn't become transparent when wet." 

As Akane was angry, but without a clear target, she sniped "You're just trying to get me to give up, aren't you?" 

"Nope. If you want, bring a bulky bathrobe to cover yourselves when you aren't leaping or paying a forfeit, but leave watches and jewelry at home." 

Nabiki decided that she couldn't resist teasing her sister with a straight-line like this, "That includes nipple-bars, younger sister." 

"I do not have a piercing there!" 

Ranma was blushing, as Nabiki added "Well, that leaves belly-buttons, and one other place for non-face body-piercing." 

As Ranma didn't get the reference, and felt he had to know this information to be a proper sensei, he pre-empted Akane's denial by asking, "Really? Where's that?" Leaving all three girl's blushing.

* * *

That evening at the dinner table, Soun asked, "So how was the first day of teaching?" 

"We miscalculated one of the embarrassments, and Ukyou and Akane have some minor bruises and sore muscles, but I think it was a success. We got through twelve leaps. Doing it the old way we would have had to stop due to serious injury. The old way was more unpredictable than the more controlled way we're doing now; that might slow down their training. But the fact that they don't need to wait hours or days to heal from sprains and breaks should more than make up for it." 

Akane growled, without much malice, "You're enjoying embarrassing us, aren't you? You pervert." 

"This is why I needed Kasumi and Akane to decide on the punishments. I suppose when I become an established teacher, I can let people think I'm doing this to be perverted, or I can just refuse to teach women like my father would have." 

Soun's expression turned peculiar. "Son, from personal experience, there's little worse than a perverted martial arts sensei. Don't do it even as an act. You'll give nightmares to others." 

"Well, we tried out one method today to boost embarrassment without overly sexual innuendo. The pie smooshing wouldn't have been so embarrassing if Akane had known what was going to happen." Ranma turned to Akane, "Do you find it better to be surprised by a minor embarrassing situation? Or would you rather know in advance what'll happen, but make the events more sexually oriented? For now we're trying to keep things to the level of having to wear a kick-me sign all day in school, but eventually we'll get to mooning, unless you learn it before then." 

"I'll learn it! There's no way I'm going to voluntarily let you ogle my ass!" 

Nabiki smirked. "You know, I think embarrassment might be a more potent scourge to get them to improve than injury. At least for experienced martial artists like Akane and Ukyou, they've learned to shrug off pain." 

Ranma thought about that, and said, "It would be nice if there were more types of punishments. Everyone learns to ignore minor pains. Akane will learn to ignore minor embarrassment way too soon. Genma trained me to ignore insults, although I don't see how that could be used as a punishment." 

"What do you mean, I'll 'ignore minor embarrassment way too soon?'" 

Nabiki answered Akane's question for Ranma. "Simple. If you get to the point where you don't mind mooning people, the punishment will be streaking. When you don't mind streaking, it'll be nude jumping jacks." 

Akane looked shocked. "You're trying to turn me into a pervert!" 

Before Ranma could say something that'd get him in deep trouble, Kasumi said, "You'd only become a pervert if you started to like it. You didn't become a masochist when you learned to take a punch; you're not going to become an exhibitionist because you learn to moon people. Besides, we're going to do everything we can think of to slow it down as much as possible. We're your sisters! We'll do everything we can to make sure you never have to climb Tokyo Tower wearing only a strap-on and a butt-plug." 

Akane fainted.

* * *

The next day, the crowds in the forest were even bigger than the day before. Notable for his absence was Tatewaki Kuno. In spite of Kuno's orders, Sasuke could not convince the hospital staff that he could recuperate just as well in the forest as he could at the hospital. Kuno was currently strapped down, and sedated. 

Nabiki took her microphone and announced, "Welcome back for day two. As the person in charge of distributing embarrassments, I'll announce the first penalty of the day. There is no first penalty! The training method is embarrassing enough. It counts as a two-mistake penalty. Ranma will explain." 

Ranma continued. "Well, if my students were both male, they'd be doing this wearing only helmets and a cup. If my father were teaching this, he wouldn't allow the protective gear. But as these are women, they're wearing helmets and swimsuits." 

Nabiki piped up, "Yes. They're not nude because Ranma's a sexist pig. Let's hear it for Ranma!" Some of the audience boos. "Isn't it funny how only the guys seem upset that Ranma isn't more enlightened?" 

Ranma picked up the slack in the dialogue, "For this series, both students will be liberally coated with a slimy substance, removing all traction." 

"This won't be bad for the skin, will it?" Ukyou asked. 

"Not to worry, this lubricant is designed to be safe on the skin, even for the most..." Nabiki paused for a moment, "sensitive areas. Although it might dissolve latex." Nabiki pointed to an 80 liter tub, half filled with a clear jelly-like substance. 

One girl called out, "But that stuff costs about 500 yen an ounce!" before she realized what her knowledge implied about herself, and blushed furiously. 

Nabiki smirked. "Only when it's bought in an adult store." The blush turned crimson. "This stuff was purchased from a veterinarian supply shop, intended for vets who need to shove a whole arm up a cows bum. It's the same ingredient, but it's sold in powdered form by the kilogram. Perfect for that illicit game of Twister." 

Ranma announced, "Both Ukyou and Akane will stand in the bucket, and liberally coat themselves, leaving only their faces uncovered, and then climb up to the leaping point, where a small bucket for touching up their hands has been placed. The targets have already been painted with the slimy gel. The perches are in plain sight, and each of them needs three successes to advance to the fourth stage." 

Akane and Ukyou approached the tub with more than a little dread. Neither was willing to back down, but neither was willing to go first. Finally Ukyou broke the impasse. "I'll stand between you and the audience, and coat your back while you cover your front. Then we can switch places. That way it'll be less embarrassing." 

Akane gave in, and was willing to go first following Ukyou's suggestion, but said, "But to smear that stuff over my breasts, with all those perverts watching!" 

"Think of it as sun tan oil, after all, we're wearing bathing suits under our robes. Imagine you're at the beach." 

"I don't rub suntan oil over my breasts through a bathing suit!" 

"Look, if we stand together in a V, no one can see you covering your breasts. Let's just get this over with." 

Removing their robes, they quickly and efficiently grease themselves up, pausing to memorize the name and face of the boy who wolf-whistled for later vengeance. After carefully climbing to the launching point, they launched themselves downwards at the perches. 

The area resounded to a gigantic 'Splat' as Ukyou's feet hit the top of the horizontal perch, and shot upwards, causing her body to rotate, and leaving her to come to a full stop when her bottom collided with the horizontal bar, with her feet above, and her head dangling below, looking back towards where she came. 

Akane on the other hand, managed to absorb most of her momentum before her bare feet slipped from the horizontal support. Her feet shot downwards, while her upper body continued forwards, over the horizontal support, leaving her looking like a bed sheet folded over a clothesline with her torso on one side of the support, her legs on the other, and her ass sticking up in the air. 

Nabiki looked over to Ranma to see if Akane's landing counted as a success. Unfortunately it didn't. "And after the first leap of the day, the scores are nine-nine!" 

Ranma announced over the microphone, "We're going to take a short break." before he switched his microphone off, and went to help Ukyou and Akane. "We're gonna change things around. The jump of the level of difficulty from yesterday to today is too great." 

The suggestion that this was too difficult was a blow to Akane's pride. Akane objected, "I can learn this!" 

Ranma's voice became more monotone as he tried to avoid shouting at Akane. "I'm tempted to let you continue as you were, and only change things for Ukyou. Sure, you'll manage on your own, but only after missing a few more times than you would if we fix this. But if you're so set on performing more forfeits than Ukyou, I'm sure Nabiki will accommodate you. Will you do it my way, or do you wanna entertain our audience?" 

Akane calmed down. Ranma admitted she could do this, so pride was salved. Common sense was therefore able to throttle pride. "I'll do it your way. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just frustrated from crashing, I don't like how this crap all over me feels, and I don't like being stared at by those idiots." 

Ranma calmed down as well. "Well, it was my mistake having you start stage three like this. There are three things I should have taught you before we started this. You've got to get used to being without traction. Step one. Climb onto the perch so you're sitting on the horizontal bar, and holding onto the vertical. You should be able to sit, and switch which side of the bar you're facing without falling off." 

As Ukyou and Akane tried this, Ranma explained, "Here you have your center of gravity very near where you're supporting yourselves, and you can use your arms and legs for balance. Without traction you have to rely on keeping your center of gravity exactly where you want it. Switching seating positions means you can do it while in motion instead of just static." 

Both girls mastered this fairly quickly. As soon as they managed it without flailing arms and legs, but with an element of grace, Ranma continued. "Next step is harder, you've got to stand. You can hold onto the vertical support, but you gotta get to the point where you're not hugging it, but able to stand while resting one hand lightly on it, and turn around." 

As they endeavored to stand, and their legs shot out from under them, Ranma pointed out, "Here, you lose your legs for balance. Also your center of balance is now about a meter from your feet. A centimeter of error uncorrected will lead to a fall." 

Ukyou and Akane stumbled through this, repeatedly falling onto the horizontal pole bruising thighs and buttocks. One particularly nasty slip with legs going on either side of the horizontal pole caught Akane. Whereas Ukyou found herself bear hugging the center support, slowly sliding down, while her legs ran like mad on the horizontal support as she tried to run forward to stand, but her legs slid further and further away. 

Eventually, they could both stand on the slippery pole, and change the direction they were facing. 

Ranma said, "Good. Now the third step is to hop. Once you can jump an inch and land, you've got it." Akane and Ukyou eventually manage this, but not before proving that the bicycle helmets were a very good idea. 

Now that the students had some feel for dealing with the slippery surfaces, they were ready for the day's second jump. 

The second jump had Akane succeed, even though after hitting the horizontal pole and absorbing most of her momentum, her feet flew over the top of the bar. With a lunge, she bear hugged the center pole. Unfortunately due to her momentum she spun around the center pole like a wheel on an axel. After rotating a full revolution, she wrapped her legs around the horizontal support. Having come to a complete stop, she hung onto the poles like a love-starved octopus. 

Ukyou managed to bleed off most of her momentum properly, but due to the lack of traction failed to grab onto anything, and wound up hanging from her cable. 

Nabiki announced, "And the score is nine to ten! Ranma, can you comment on this jump?" 

Ranma spoke into his mike, "Well, Akane managed to pull off a success through quick thinking and improvising. At least twice the grease screwed up her plans, and twice she changed her plans, and managed to pull off a success where it looked like she'd fail. Ukyou's landing was more elegant, and she was in more control of her movement, but she was obviously expecting to be able to grab the center pole, and without traction failed to do so. Ukyou has a better sense of control, but Akane is obviously trying hard, and she succeeded where Ukyou didn't." 

"Well, while the two students are pulling themselves up to the launch point, I'll ask for two volunteers for our next forfeit. I need at least two people with artistic skills, to use these cans of whipped cream!" 

On the next leap, Ukyou repeated her previous leap, but aimed for the intersection of the horizontal pole. After absorbing her momentum, she found herself in position to bear hug the vertical pole. Akane, unfortunately had one foot slip on landing, and her body twisted away from the center pole, and she failed to recover. 

Nabiki announced, "And the scores are ten all! Any comments, Ranma?" 

"Ukyou has hit on a method that'll almost always work at this stage, but it requires pre-planning, making it useless at later stages. Akane's relying on quick thought and reactions, which sometimes fails, but will stand her in greater stead for the next stage." 

Akane and Ukyou look at each other as they digest Ranma's announcement. Akane said, "It sounds like you've found the simplest way to ace this stage." 

"But is it a good idea or not. If I repeat it I can pass this stage, but I might not learn what I need to do the next stage. It sounds like you're learning more from your riskier method than I am." 

"Well, what are you doing to guarantee success?" 

"I'm aiming for the center support, so if my legs start to slip while I'm slowing myself down, I face plant into the vertical support and hold on." 

Akane suggested, "So I'm taking too many chances, and trying to fix it by reacting quickly, while you're taking too few, using a method that will always succeed, but might hurt if things go wrong." 

"So what do you think we should do?" 

Akane paused, "We do the jumps the easy way until sensei forbids us, and if we need more skills to do harder levels, he'll teach us by adding steps like he did earlier." 

"Fine. He didn't make us do anything when we slipped while learning to hop on the perches, and I don't like the sound of whipped cream and artistic skills. Aim for where the horizontal and vertical poles meet, as if you were going to push off the horizontal pole and leap up. That way when you start to slip, your legs slide downward, and push your body into line with the center pole." 

"Got it. Good luck." 

"You too." 

The next two leaps went flawlessly.

* * *

Author's notes: 

I know that by Ranma's earlier rules, Kuno had already made himself ineligible for future forfeits by performing the spanking, so Ranma's forbidding him at the end of the day was meaningless. However there are several reasons Ranma might reuse a spectator. His one forfeit per spectator was an informal guideline for Nabiki and him; a method of crowd control, an excuse to keep people like Kuno from trying to hog the show, and an attempt at fairness. 

The game show format seemed like a good idea when I started it, and hopefully provided comic relief, but it seems to have taken over the story. The Amazons, Ryouga, and the Saotome elders in particular are completely marginalized. So I'm arguing that the drunken owl training is only for weekends. After Sunday ends in chapter 8, Ukyou and Akane get five days of rest, and Nabiki gets to develop the photos of the forfeits. Nabiki isn't allowed to sell these photos like she did in the original, as that would be embarrassing the students unfairly. Kasumi and Ranma are Nabiki's monetary conscience, just as Nabiki and Kasumi are the deciding factor on embarrassment levels for Akane. 

Dropping the game show will hopefully let Ranma work on building his body's speed so that he can try to learn the chestnut fist. The training methods for his straight ki maneuvers are dimly remembered from his dream, but since he knows they're possible, he'll figure it out eventually; it'll just take some time. 

I'm toying with the idea of having Akane actually con some physics geeks at school into actually building the trebuchet, and trying the original method of learning the beginner's drunken owl (without the bondage or the concussion) but not until she masters it Ranma's way (It takes a while to build it secretly). Maybe have Ryouga or Ukyou acting as the gunner. I think Ranma's training method is more rigorous, and Akane'd have to admit to herself at least that Ranma was right to scrap the earlier method. 

As for who ends up with whom; this is not a RanmaAkane fic. At this point, any woman could succeed, with the exception of Akane, Cologne, Nodoka, and the old ladle woman. But Kaori, Kodachi, and Azusa are all REALLY unlikely. 

I'll be happy if/when the characters mature to the point where someone's dating. Akane and Ranma are likely to mature the fastest. Ranma because of his dream, and the lack of Genma. Akane because so many changes are hitting her, and forcing her to adapt. But if I can write it, there are opportunities in the story for Kasumi, Soun, Shampoo, Ukyou, and Kuno to grow. 

Ukyou's NOT going to just fall for Daisuke. But hopefully she'll reconsider gender issues, and realize there are alot of different males. Still, Daisuke's comment must have been as much of a shock as Ranma's comment was in the original. She'll just draw different conclusions from it. 

I'm not going to explore where the dream came from. I don't care if it was psychic powers, info from deities, time traveling senshi, or an incomplete memory wipe before going back in time and merging with his past self. I'm not going to speculate whether the canon universe is going on in parallel. I may not even ever bring out the Nan ban mirror. There are so many possibilities; I'll let the reader assume whichever is the most believable. 

Please comment.


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